I Lied...

... when I said I didn't have anythang today, coz looky what came in today's mail:

My new retro Wings sweater!  And just in time for Game Three tonight... Yays!  This is number 25, in case you're wondering.  One o' my heroes, for this.  And this:



One of the prettiest hockey goals you'll EVER see.

Update, 1720 hrs:  Forgot the usual, customary, and oh-so-reasonable Let's Go Red Wings!

Sue's Day

That's what Gutfeld calls Super Tuesday, about which... this:

I hope Romney sweeps the field, takes all the delegates, and demoralizes the opposition in such a way they all drop out by Friday.  Because then this shit would be over, for all intents and purposes, and we could get on with life until the general election campaign heats up around August or so.  "Get on with life" means not having to miss Red Eye, which is preempted yet again tonight in favor of election coverage... RE-RUNS of election coverage from earlier in the evening, at that.

Which means we'll miss this sorta snappy patter...

That was the half-time report from last night.  Gawd, but I love those guys.

―:☺:― 

A quick note o' thanks to those of you who took time to comment on my "Help Buck Get Laid" post... especially to Lou and Kris... coz wimmen know wimmen better than **I** know wimmen.

So... after sleeping on it last night I'm thinkin' an ad on CL ain't such a good ideer.  My life has zero drama and almost as few complications at the moment.  A woman would change that in ways that would... could... be both good and bad.  I'm not sure I wanna go there.

Yeah, I wanna have my Kate and Edith, too.  Aren't ALL guys like that?

As Seen On Red Eye VI

Heh.  I think I watched this at least five times at the first commercial break.

As Seen On Red Eye V

I have no idea why, but this cracked me up.  The lil bot needs some work, methinks... MIT ain't what they used to be (watch the related videos... this WAS an MIT project).

As Seen On Red Eye

So... there I am, faithfully tuned in to Red Eye (even tho I record it for viewing at a more reasonable hour but always watch it live - go figger) when Gutfeld drops a frickin' bomb on me: the zodiac has been wrong for about a thousand years or so and people who think they know what their astrological sign is are wrong.  

Oh Shit, Oh Dear.

So you know what we did next: straight to Google.  And it's as bad as I feared: I'm a frickin' Pisces.  No longer can I lay claim to these characteristics:

The Aries is guided by flashes of intuition and irresistible impulse. He is a fiery dynamo who is driven by a constant desire to forge ahead into new territories. When Aries sets his sights on a goal, it becomes an all-enveloping quest. The Aries native never gives up, but moves ever forward with an obstinate force of will. Like all fire signs, he constantly feels vital energy pulsing through him, and he must use that energy or burn up!

Aries strives for independence, and success is defined by a series of distinctive or high-reaching personal achievements. Coming in first or accomplishing the impossible are the ultimate goals. Athletes, entrepreneurs, soldiers, doctors, religious leaders, race car drivers and explorers are all associated with this sign. Aries does not fear danger, and accidents are all too common with this sign, particularly head injuries.

If the Aries seems brusque or disinterested it is because his mind is set on a goal that entirely absorbs his energy. Anything that interferes becomes an annoying distraction. Once the Aries sets his sights on someone or something, that becomes an urgent and immediate priority. If you are that goal, you can be sure that you will be showered with a love that burns as bright as the sun, and you can expect to be blessed with the greatest fire of devotion.

Nope.  That's not me.  Not any longer.  I'm now this guy...

Look deep into the eyes of a Pisces, and you will see a reflection all that is good in humanity. He has a heart of gold, instilled with a deep intuition into the feelings of others. Pisces understands people's loves and losses, and can become overwhelmed with the weight of the world. Yearning for the ideal, he can get lost in a sea of imagination and fantasy.

There are two fishes in the Pisces soul - one of spirit and one of flesh, one who would give himself entirely for others, and one who struggles to live in a harsh reality. Because the Pisces must survive, he can be a very determined, even selfish individual, yet he can turn around and give of himself so completely that you will feel sure he is really an angel. The Pisces loves others with a selfless purity that demands that you give him the utmost respect, and he will suffer dearly without it.

If Pisces seems confused, dreamy, sleepy or lazy, it is because he can't decide which way to go - should he tend to his own needs, or take care of someone else? If he's lucky, he'll find a way to do both at once. The Pisces who can serve himself while helping others is truly blessed.

The Pisces is naturally spiritual, imaginative and artistic. Like a fish, he sometimes needs to find a quiet, peaceful grotto in which to hide. If you catch him, you can count on him to be the dearest friend, a devoted child or parent and the most compassionate and caring of individuals.

Now I'm gonna have to learn how to deal with being confused all the time and adopt some sort of dreamy expression, which will be sorta hard after all these years of playing the stoic. I've already nailed the lazy and sleepy bits, so that's a good thing.  I'm at a loss to explain all those years of getting my ass kicked by The Second Mrs. Pennington for my incorrigible Type-A behavior, though.  Mebbe I was driven because I thought I was an Aries.  TSMP, OTOH, used to be a Gemini and is now a frickin' Bull.  There's no small amount of poetic justice there.

So.  Here, courtesy of the WaPo, is the new Zodiac line-up:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11
Pisces: March 11-April 18
Aries: April 18-May 13
Taurus: May 13-June 21
Gemini: June 21-July 20
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23-Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20

What are you, Gentle Reader?  What were you?  And do you even care?

Full disclosure:  I haven't read my horoscope in at least eight years.  Put another way: I don't really give a shit; it's just fun to play with.

A Couple o' Rants

One musical, one not.  First the musical:

Occasional Reader Katy sent that along with the thought that this would be her new anthem.  I'm thinkin' a LOT of folks feel the same way.  We're gonna see the first installment of "Bloodbath, American Style" on the first Tuesday of November with the second episode of the series to follow in 2012.  The message is loud and clear:  We have had ENOUGH.

―:☺:―

I'm hatin' on Fox News today.  They pre-empted Red Eye twice this week, once for a re-run of BillFrickin'O'Reilly (all one word) to "discuss" The One's Iraq speech and last night it was all Earl, all the frickin' time.  They COULD have just put their cheesy lil hurricane tracking map in the corner of the screen and updated every half-hour... but NOOOO.  We get shots of newspeople standing on a relatively quiet beach on Long Island, waves in the dead of night on the beach in North Carolina... that you can't see... and canned statements from useless gub'mint officials. Nothing really new in all this, just the same ol', same ol' repeated ad nauseum.  I'm ALL for keeping the public informed but there's a limit... most especially when you have a relative non-event like Earl.  This ain't Katrina or Andrew, guys.

Get off my lawn.

―:☺:―

Finally... Occasional Constant Reader Kath sends along a link to a video featuring comic Tim Hawkins doin' suggested updates to a few geriatric rock stars' acts.  One suggestion is for the Eagles:  Change that famous hotel song to "I'm a Greeter at Wal-Mart in California..."  Oh, Hell... watch what you want of it.  I won't make ya chase a link.





Funny, eh?

When Parenting Fails...

Just in case you don't stay up into the wee hours of the morning to watch Red Eye... there's this, which you might have missed:

Good God.  Gutfeld is absolutely, positively correct with his assertion that this "Peace Forest" ideer is about as stoopid as it gets and the parents are bat-shit crazy.  What sort of parent would take their kid to North-Frickin'-Korea to talk about a "Peace Forest?"  Well, I know someone who might, actually, but I'll leave that alone. 

As Seen On Red Eye II (III?)

Teachers bein' cool (heh):



Didja watch the whole thing?  Me neither.  I didn't like Twisted Sister back in '84, I like this song even less now.

Update, 1400 hrs:  It seems I'm out o' step with all of you Gentle Readers.  I was holding the teachers to a higher standard.  Is all.  (Language alert)

   

As Seen On Red Eye (Part II, I Think)

As Gutfeld noted... that was a BOY.  Draw your own conclusions.  (We've decided to be sexist rather than racist... for a while, anyhoo.)

More From Rep. Thad McCotter

This time it's his appearance on last night's (Monday) Red Eye, where he comments on Obamacare and other things.  It's seven and a half minutes of conservative political goodness and wry one-liners.

Everyone goes on a lot about Rep. Paul Ryan... and they're justified in doing so because Mr. Ryan is both smart and articulate... so I feel it's my duty to give the equally smart and articulate Mr. McCotter some air time.  Besides that, McCotter is a LOT funnier; that might be coz he has better straight men.

Stuff You See On Red Eye

Mating Fail - Watch more Funny Videos

I'm still wiping tears off my face.

Red Eye (Plus a No Extra Charge Rant!)

So... I should have posted this yesterday but the thought didn't occur to me until I read this:

Just like when we highlighted the show’s ratings in September 2009 (which the FNC advertising department enjoyed as well, taking out full-page ads in the New York Post and others), the ratings for last week show Red Eye beating CNN again. This time, the show had better ratings in the A25-54 demographic than Campbell Brown at 8pmET and Larry King at 9pmET, and tied Anderson Cooper at 10pmET (Monday-Thursday).

Which... is all about Red Eye's third anniversary, celebrated this past Friday.  Sooo... Red Eye, which comes on at 0300 hrs Eastern, beat CNN's prime-time ratings?  Now ain't that something!  Here's Gutfeld's Gregalogue that ran last Friday, in celebration of the third anniversary:

And... AIIIEEE!  Not that ad!  NO!  We're assuming the ads on Fox's embed video are static and further assume what you see is the notorious "PajamaGram" ad... a long-standing object of our irritation and contempt.  So herewith the third annual installment of our rant about and against Pajamagrams (from last year - 2/06/2009):

So… Valentine’s Day is still about a week and a half away… which means at least eight more days of being subjected to this crap:

I’m glad this “special day” is here and will be gone with the sunset this evening. Why? So I won’t be exposed to Creepy Valentines Day advertisements on my teevee every 17 minutes. From these guys. (ed: video of the tacky commercial at the link) You know, the people who tell ya there’s “…only one gift guaranteed to get women to take their clothes off…” with “all that spa stuff that women just love,” the bottom-line being “she’ll think you spent weeks planning it.” Yeah. Right. To say these ads insult male intelligence is only scratching the surface. And were I a woman receiving a V-Day pajamagram, I’d seriously RE-consider the quality of my relationship. That goes for Vermont Teddy Bears, as well… perhaps double. I’ve read both businesses are owned by the same company. Which may or may not be true, but the ads for both products look very similar, so I tend to believe what I hear. About which…

Yet another business to add to my list of places to visit when I begin my post-retirement career as a midnite fire-bomber.

That was YrHmblScrb, ranting on St. Valentine’s Day last year. The supremely irritating ads for VTBs and PajamaGrams began last Monday evening as best as I can determine and tend to run in various late night slots. FNC’s Red Eye seems overrun with the ads, just to cite one example, which presents me with yet another case where my mute button gets the ultimate work-out. The PajamaGram ads are quite tolerable with the sound turned off, though. Nice eye-candy. The VTB ads? Not so much…

The thing that really gets my goat is the ads are the very same ones the companies have been running for the last two or three years. You’d think they would create some NEW ads… every couple of years or so. But nooooo…

Well, at least the PajamaGram people popped for a new ad this year.  But they're STILL lame.  And I still hate 'em, too.

Meaningful Content...

One of the reasons I'm a serious Red Eye junkie is the occasional appearances of Michigan congressman Thad McCotter, a representative who... unlike your run-of-the-mill congressperson... actually makes sense.  Case in point:

Note also the good congressman comments on the Hit-Girl trailer I posted a couple o' days ago, which is to say "Hollywood will be surprised when sane Americans reject this movie," or words to that effect.  This whole segment is a heavily edited pastiche of congressman McCotter's comments on last night's Red Eye... but that doesn't mean they ain't good... coz they ARE.  McCotter would get my vote if I lived in his district.

h/t:  A Tweet from Mr. McCotter, one of the guys who make tweeting worthwhile.

Red Eye, Rock 'n' Roll

Being a SERIOUS Red Eye junkie, I was kinda-sorta impressed with this lil blurb:

Fox News’ 3amET comedy/news hybrid Red Eye is in a league of its own when it comes to cable news shows. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t a player in the ratings.

Despite its late (or early, depending on your sleep habits) start time, the ratings for the show continue to improve, and surprisingly, top some cable news competition you might not expect.

[…]

The show is looking up year-to-year as well. Compared to September 2008, the program grew 23% in total viewers and 43% in the A25-54 demographic. But let’s look at the individual shows. Last week we wrote about the 13 shows at the top of the ratings in September – all on Fox News. Red Eye, naturally, wasn’t one of them. Here’s where they fell – this is the full chart for September programs.

Red Eye averaged 432,000 total viewers and 202,000 in the demo. Let’s deal with the demo first – CNN’s 8pmET show, hosted by Campbell Brown, averaged 191,000 in the demo. Let’s just let that one sink in – Fox News had more people in the all important A25-54 demographic watching their channel at three in the morning (east coast time) than CNN had for the show that leads off their prime time. This says as much about Fox News as it does about CNN. Wow.

Wow, indeed. I'm thinking one of the reasons my sleep habits are so hosed is I refuse to miss Red Eye. There's a price to be paid for that, but I'm more than willing to pay it. And besides that… I don't have to be anywhere in the morning anyway, so why not? I mean… who'd want to miss stuff like this (on the Polanski thing travesty)?


 
I'm thinking there are a LOT of folks out there who Tivo or otherwise DVR Red Eye for later viewing. I might do that sort of thing too, were I not such a Luddite.

―:☺:―

Speaking of Red Eye… one learns all sorts of useful things by watching that show. Fer instance… last night they did a segment on the 2010 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees. Herewith (courtesy of The Wiki) is the list:

The 2010 nominees for the performers category were announced on September 23, 2009. Five inductees will be announced in January 2010, and inducted at a ceremony in New York on March 15.^[90]

·         ABBA

·         The Chantels

·         Jimmy Cliff

·         Genesis

·         The Hollies

·         Kiss

·         LL Cool J

·         Darlene Love

·         Laura Nyro

·         Red Hot Chili Peppers

·         Donna Summer

·         The Stooges

ABBA? LL Cool J? What in the Sam Hill does either of these acts have to do with Rock 'n' Roll? Years and years ago I was in complete, fanatical agreement with Neil Young when he sang…

The point Neil makes… if'n ya didn't watch the vid… is "rock 'n' roll can never die." I agreed back then… I'm not so sure now. Maybe the art form will live on but the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame is doing its bit to discredit something I hold dear, if not kill it outright. LL Cool J? Sheesh. It is to frickin' weep.

On Salsa... Oh So Briefly (and Other Things, Too)

There’s one thing I just have to say before I even get started… home-made is BEST. It’s always been so, and probably will always BE so… with just a couple of caveats: (1) you gotta know what you’re doing and (2) you have to have the proper ingredients. Number Two is key, yanno. Some folks can make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, but that ain’t the case when it comes to salsa and its prime ingredient: chile. The ol’ IT saw… garbage in, garbage out… applies to salsa, in spades.

I might could be a salsa connoisseur, but I’m reluctant to bill myself as such. Let’s just say my experience with the art form goes back well over 40 years and I’ve eaten a tremendous number of varieties of this essential condiment… ranging from the exquisite to the mundane (and worse). And speaking of “exquisite,” The First Mrs. Pennington is a past master at creating the most delectable salsa you can imagine. Apropos of nothing, the lady kept me supplied with it (the salsa) during my one-year sojourn in Beautiful-Sinop-By-The-Sea via frequent Care Packages containing Mason jars of her salsa. That salsa was jealously guarded… believe me… and accompanied me to the chow hall every morning to grace my eggs and every evening to make other things edible (Army food SUCKS). Her salsa was also much in demand from friends who knew about the wonderfulness of salsa in general and hers, in particular. A few friendships were made because of her salsa, but let us not digress further.

One of the absolute worst periods of my life where salsa is concerned was spending over ten years in the Great Salsa Desert, also known as the northern tier (read as: Detroit and Rochester, NY). People in that part of the world have absolutely NO idea about salsa… and their concept of “good salsa” is limited to Pace or Old El Paso. Blech. Either of those two brands are to salsa as ketchup is to marinara sauce… i.e., they’re both red, but the resemblance begins and ends right there. And you know what’s strange? I can go to Wally-World right here in P-Ville and BOTH of those brands are featured prominently on the shelves. Go figure…

One of the reasons I make my bi-weekly trips over to The Big(ger) City^TM is to pick up a couple weeks’ supply of El Pinto, my current favorite salsa. El Pinto used to be available in P-Ville but for some reason the managers at Wally-World decided to discontinue it… more than likely because it ain’t the cheapest brand available, and Wally-World is ALL about cheap. But we digress… yet again. I truly believe El Pinto is the absolute BEST commercial salsa I’ve ever tasted and comes awfully danged close to home-made. It’s also available in several different formulas, from the usual mild to hot, to various permutations of red, green, and other varieties. And there’s good news for those folks who aren’t privileged to live in New Mexico, otherwise known as The Capital of the Chile Universe: you can buy El Pinto salsa on-line. My two favorite flavors are illustrated at left.

So… just as life is too short to drink bad beer, it’s most definitely too short to tolerate less than the best salsa. You DO have options. Use ‘em.

―:☺:―

Via Johnny Dollar at Olbermann Watch… a most excellent segment from last Friday’s Red Eye:

The whole Halftime Report is here… if’n ya wanna go. It’s worth the trip.

―:☺:―

While we’re on about politics, there’s this:

Looking for all the world like the sweating floor manager on the late afternoon shift at Larry Flynt's Hustler Club in an unbuttoned shiny black shirt and undersized sport coat, Rush Limbaugh leaned his meaty hands on the lectern at the CPAC conference and slipped a greasy dollar bill into the G-string of the writhing conservative dead-enders packed into garishly lit Omni Shoreham in Washington DC.

Jowls rolling like thunder from the right via CNN's unfortunate high-definition feed, Limbaugh took control of the sad and tattered remnants of the mainstream conservative movement, and urged continued allegiance to the noble Lost Cause of Reagan, metaphorically carrying his rebel-yelling followers into the hills like modern-day Quantrill's Raiders standing firm against change.

Judas Priest. The above takes the proverbial cake in the Purple Prose Sweepstakes. Isn’t there some sort of web site dedicated to over-reliance on one’s handy-dandy thesaurus and bad writing, in general? Why, yes… yes there IS. I’m thinking you’re seeing the 2009 Bulwer-Lytton winner, just above. All others should just give it up… there’s NO topping Mr. Watson. Elementary, and all that.

Puffs and Pans... Not Necessarily In That Order

So… Valentine’s Day is still about a week and a half away… which means at least eight more days of being subjected to this crap:

I’m glad this “special day” is here and will be gone with the sunset this evening. Why? So I won’t be exposed to Creepy Valentines Day advertisements on my teevee every 17 minutes. From these guys. (ed: video of the tacky commercial at the link) You know, the people who tell ya there’s “…only one gift guaranteed to get women to take their clothes off…” with “all that spa stuff that women just love,” the bottom-line being “she’ll think you spent weeks planning it.” Yeah. Right. To say these ads insult male intelligence is only scratching the surface. And were I a woman receiving a V-Day pajamagram, I’d seriously RE-consider the quality of my relationship. That goes for Vermont Teddy Bears, as well… perhaps double. I’ve read both businesses are owned by the same company. Which may or may not be true, but the ads for both products look very similar, so I tend to believe what I hear. About which…

Yet another business to add to my list of places to visit when I begin my post-retirement career as a midnite fire-bomber.

That was YrHmblScrb, ranting on St. Valentine’s Day last year. The supremely irritating ads for VTBs and PajamaGrams began last Monday evening, as best as I can determine, and tend to run in various late night slots. FNC’s “Red Eye” seems overrun with the ads, just to cite one example, which presents me with yet another case where my mute button gets the ultimate work-out. The PajamaGram ads are quite tolerable with the sound turned off, though. Nice eye-candy. The VTB ads? Not so much…

The thing that really gets my goat is the ads are the very same ones the companies have been running for the last two or three years. You’d think they would create some NEW ads… every couple of years or so. But nooooo…

―:☺:―

I mentioned Fox News Channel’s “Red Eye” in passing, above. This show has become my Guilty Pleasure, and I just LOVE it. Mainly for stuff like this. (I tried to embed the video, but Blogger won't display it.)

Andy Levy’s Halftime Report and Game Wrap-Up are arguably the best parts of the show, but the rest of it is pretty danged good… if a lil bit inconsistent. Edgy stuff tends to be that way… like Longfellow’s Lil Girl With the Curl… when it’s good it’s very good indeed; and when it’s bad it’s horrid.

Oh, and about the vid above… Red Eye had the absolute BEST commentary on the recent Michael Phelps incident of any media piece… written or broadcast… that I’ve seen so far.

―:☺:―

Serendipitous find, while googling “Red Eye:”

Diva duel: Etta James blasts Beyonce

Published February 6 2009

Watch out, Beyonce--Etta James wants to kick your butt. During a concert Jan. 28, James unleashed her fury at the actress who portrayed James in "Cadillac Records," for daring to perform her signature song--"At Last"--as the first dance for Barack and Michelle Obama at an inaugural ball, the L.A. Times reports. "I tell you, that woman he has singing for him, singing my song, she gonna get her ... whipped. I can't stand Beyonce, she had no business up there singing ... my song that I've been singing forever," James said during her Seattle performance. Ouch.

RedEye

You GO, Etta! I’m right behind you, in your corner, with you all the way, and whatever similar words of encouragement I can muster. I can’t stand Beyonce… what a frickin’ tart!… and her theft of your signature song is just beyond the pale.