This Isn't as Far-Fetched as It Seems

From The American Military's Most Trusted News Source...

That's obviously a screen-cap.  RTWT here.

News Item

A screen-cap:

RTWT, as we Citizen-Journalists say.

Heh

From The Duffel Blog...

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Officials from the Minnesota Department of Motor Vehicles have confirmed approval of a new policy making it mandatory for all active-duty and military veterans to register their status with the agency. The move will require all veterans to have a special “Vet” designation on their drivers’ licenses and state identification cards.

[...]

“We’ve seen what these savages are capable of all over CNN and MSNBC,” says DMV director, Greg Olson. “Out of all the millions of men and women who have deployed to combat zones this past decade, there are literally a dozen, perhaps even two,  who have come home and committed atrocious acts. That’s way too big a chance. We can’t risk having these people hidden in our community and will be making sure they’re easily identifiable to law enforcement personnel and citizens in general.”

The new strategy will most likely result in changed police escalation-of-force procedure when dealing with veterans during routine traffic stops.

According to Olson, law enforcement officers will be given more opportunity to defend themselves against a perceived threat.

“Phase One will consist of the officer identifying an individual’s vet status on his or her driver’s license,” he says. “Once the officer realizes what he or she is dealing with, Phase Two will kick in and they will immediately unsheathe their pistol and drawdown on the potential psychopath. Then, at Phase Three, the officer will be given free reign to search the individual’s vehicle for weapons and dead bodies. If, and only if, the officer doesn’t find anything, then he will subsequently release the veteran and thank them for their service.”

RTWT.  The WSJ, among others*, have praised the Duffel Blog's satire as cutting edge, and it most certainly IS.

Good stuff, Maynard.

* "others" includes a number of general officers, not the least o' which is retired Marine Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis.

A Change O' Heart

I used to be a denier... one of those guys who rejected the proven science of Anthropomorphic Global Warming... err... Climate Change.  Well, no more, thanks to Sunny... who puts the whole problem in language that even a simpleton like YrHmblScrb can understand.  Watch and see if you don't agree with me.

See?  You like parks, don't you?  So... climate change is REAL.  Now all you have to do is give up toilet paper and you're THERE!

Thanks, Sunny. 

h/t: Fenris at Mitchieville.

Heh

How this administration REALLY works...

Obama Outlines Moral, Philosophical Justifications For Turkey Pardon

I'm sorry, but this just smacks of TOO much reality.  Which is what good satire is supposed to do, no?

Heh - USAF Division (III)

Occasional Reader Katy sends this along...

Air Force  General:  Mr. President, we've just invented an invisibility cloak for Air Force One.  Air Force One is now invisible, ensuring your security in the face of growing hostility.

Obama:   No  S***!?

General:   That's right, sir.  Will you be going along on its maiden flight?

Obama:  Why I wouldn't miss this for the world!

General:  Have a good trip, sir!  

We'd never do that.  Really.  But it's the thought that counts.  Heh.

You Might Have Seen This...

... OTOH you might NOT have seen it.

Obama To Hold Job Performance Review With Every American Worker

Heh.  Yeah, I liked the previous president better, too.  And then there was this major slut spill on a California freeway:


VH1 Reality Show Bus Crashes In California Causing Major Slut Spill

Oh, the horror.  I wonder if Morgan was nearby?  Nah.  He lives in Northern California.

Heh

SN1 sent this along today...

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars so Putin writes him a check.

 Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth wrote him a check. Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free. The devil replied "since Obama became president of the USA the country has gone to hell, so naturally it's a local call."

This presupposes Russia has changed a whole helluva lot for the better since Putin took power.  I think not, but that's another story.  And this IS a joke...

Well, Hell. Just ONE More and Then I'll Quit...

... really. Seriously. I mean it.

David Burge:

Membership Has Its Privileges

[ed. note: republished and amended from a 2007 post]
Dear   BARACK OBAMA  :
Congratulations! On behalf of the selection committee, I am pleased to announce that you have been named a 2009 recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, in recognition of your tireless efforts to   STRENGTHEN INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY AND COOPERATION    .
I am also pleased to tell you that as a winner, you have been pre-approved for membership in the Nobel Peace Player's Club, offering exclusive money-saving benefits available only to laureates like you. Please take a few minutes to look over the enclosed enrollment materials. At only $299.95 per year, I'm sure you'll agree that membership is a bargain at twice the price! Here are just some of the benefits you'll receive:

• A handsome 14-karat gold membership crest badge to display proudly on the grille of your limousine or official state aircraft
• A framed, hand-calligraphed certificate (add $19.95 for gold leaf)
• Special discount shopping bargains for for you and your family
• Great travel packages to the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro
• Listing in "Who's Who of Global Salvation" ($49.95 per copy)
• Great coupons for Olive Garden, P.F. Chang's, Six Flags Theme Parks, and more!

Plus, you'll receive the exclusive Nobel Peace Player's Club GoldCard entitling you to discount air travel and 5-star hotel accommodations from Kyoto to Darfur. But don't take our word for it! Listen to these testimonials from some of our current members:

Chase the title link. The testimonials are just TOO funny... with further links!

I'm In Deep Kimchee

A friend sends this along...

JUST IN ...

Democrats, realizing the success of the President's "Cash For Clunkers" rebate program, have revamped a major portion of their National Health Care Plan.

President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reid are expected to make this major announcement at a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced copy of the proposal which is named....

"CASH FOR CODGERS" and it works like this... Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person. The amount the government allocates will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts.

Special "Bonuses" will be paid for those submitting codgers in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over their government prescribed weight, and any member of the Republican Party.

Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef, soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, Brussel sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies.

All codgers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection. This will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body parts harvested to keep other codgers in repair.

My highlighted emphasis added... if only to demonstrate the title of this post. Or: we be almost completely screwed. Why does this NOT surprise me? Altogether now: Heh!

―:☺:―

Apropos of the post below... we're just in from an abbreviated Happy Hour, which we held on the shady-side of El Casa Móvil De Pennington. I don't often sit on the shady-side as it's in close proximity to my neighbor and I don't want to intrude on his privacy. But sometimes extreme conditions call for extreme measures... which is to say we really wanted (needed?) a beer and a cigar. Today's Happy Hour was quite pleasant, actually. It's almost cool outside at the moment and the (ahem) breeze was quite nice. To a point, of course.

I SWORE I Wouldn't Do It...

..."it" being commenting on L'Affaire Gates. It's already much ado about not much... waaay too much ado, actually. But... seeing as how we've all read and heard too much about this stupidity already I don't think I'll hurt things by adding a couple of "don't miss" articles/posts on the subject.

First... David Burge has a guest posting at his place of bid'niz. The lede and link:

Cambridge Police Profiling Still A Grim Reality for Harvard Faculty Assholes

Guest Opinion
by Professor John Evans Evans-John
Harvard School of Harvard Faculty Asshole Studies
Harvard University
When I first learned of the arrest of my colleague Professor Henry Louis "Skip" Gates after he stood up to the fascist jackboots of a declasse, ill-educated Cambridge police officer, I was of course angered -- but scarcely shocked. L'Affaire Gates simply aired, in public, the dirty 100-thread-count table linen of an American culture where Harvard faculty assholes still face a daily struggle against profiling, abuse, and insolence.
It will come as no surprise that Skip's arrest was the talk of the Douchebag Room at the Harvard Faculty Club last Friday. I and a group of colleagues had assembled for our weekly lunch; I opted for their competently-prepared Ahi Tuna Tartare and an amusing glass of '05 Hospices de Beaune Premier Cru Cuvee Cyrot-Chaudron. I had noticed that the Franz Fanon Memorial Booth -- Skip's long-reserved lunch spot -- was uncharacteristically empty, and asked our waiter Sergio for an explanation.
"Professor Skeep, he no is come today," said Sergio. "I tink he is in the jail."

Heh. RTWT*, as we bloggers acronymize.

And Lex, he speaks for me: "they both suck." All three of 'em suck, if ya wanna include The Most Powerful Man In The World, who started the whole brouhaha with a statement to the effect of "... I don't know the facts, but..." Frickin' ROOKIE.

There. I'm done.

* Read The Whole Thing.

Minor Musings

Your F-22 update… from the usual source:

Full Court Press: The Obama Administration is making a concerted push to derail Congressional plans to extend production of the F-22 Raptor beyond the Pentagon requested 187 aircraft. On Monday, as the full Senate began its deliberation of the 2010 defense policy bill, both the White House and the Pentagon sent letters to the chairman and ranking member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, Sen. Carl Levin (D-Mich.) and Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz,), respectively, both of whom opposed the addition of extra F-22 money that sailed through the committee mark-up. President Barack Obama in his letter claimed he would veto any measure that includes more than 187 Raptors. Last week, Levin acknowledged the veto potential, but reportedly said he didn't think the President would act on the threat. (Obama letter) (Pentagon letter, signed by Robert Gates and Adm. Michael Mullen)

A Ghost of Vetoes Past: Now that Barack Obama has openly vowed to veto the defense bill to stop the F-22, one might ask: When was the last time a President defied a Congress run by his own party just to cancel one specific weapon? We don't know for sure, but it may have been Jimmy Carter in 1978. His target was a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier that the Navy wanted and Congress inserted into the bill over White House objections. Carter was determined to win, and wielded his veto. According to the Aug. 28, 1978 issue of Time, Carter "maintained that its huge cost would divert funds needed for the buildup of NATO forces." However, the story did not end there. Over the next year, the "carrier veto" became a potent club for Carter's political opponents, especially Ronald Reagan. When the Iran hostage crisis erupted, Carter put two aircraft carriers in the Gulf of Oman. By Spring 1980, Congress had put the same carrier into the budget and overwhelmingly approved it. This time, Carter signed. That carrier--CVN-71--is at sea today as USS Theodore Roosevelt. It was on station in the Indian Ocean on Sept. 11, 2001, and 26 days later launched the first US strikes against the forces of Al Qaeda in Afghanistan.

Hindsight is always 20/20, innit? That said, the Carter parallel is interesting as more than a few folks have opined we're currently enduring Jimmuh's second term. What remains to be seen… in this specific case… is whether the congress has enough votes to override The One's veto, if it should come down to that. "Interesting Times," as they say.

―:☺:―

Forget Tourette Syndrome… that is SO 20^th century… the video game generation is afflicted with First-Person Shooter Disease:

The good news: there are support groups available.

―:☺:―

Today's Pic: Red or Green? Evening sunlight on foliage as viewed during last night's after-dinner cognac whiskey and cigar event.

Dang Me

Now that the Obamas are vacationing in Hawaii I’ve noticed I’ve gotten well over 40 hits (or so) in the past 24 hours for “Obama on the beach.” And they click through to this… amazingly enough:

Now That's A Line!

Via Gerard… 20 More Photos Taken at Exactly the Right Angle. Like the one above…Obama on the beach. They’re all pretty danged cool.

Go figure. I’m thinking anyone interested in beach photos of The One wouldn’t be prone to click through on this. Imagine my surprise.

―:☺:―

Ear-worm. And it’s ALL Barry’s fault. From comments on his site:

Today's rhetorical question: How could I live this long without ever hearing "shellout falter?" That's a masterful turn of a phrase if ever there was one!
Buck | Homepage | 12.23.08 - 1:40 pm | #

---

Buck, my reaction exactly, but I'm not surprised that it sprang from the mind of Roger Miller, who is a lyrical genius.

Even the silly stuff -- *especially* the silly stuff -- I love. If you catch me whistling to myself at the office, it's often something like "You Can't Rollerskate In A Buffalo Herd."
Barry | Homepage | 12.23.08 - 1:55 pm | #

---

Agreed on the silly stuff. "Dang Me" came out when I was in USAF tech school... and imagine, if you will, 20 or 30 drunken young airmen joining in on the chorus and warbling "high from the highest treeeee... woman would ya weep for me? Doo-doo-dee-doot-a-looie..." (from memory, that, but ya get the idea, I'm sure). Miller was the soundtrack for a lot of great times back then.
Buck | Homepage | 12.24.08 - 3:18 pm | #

---

OK... it's been about an hour now and I can't get that danged song out of my head. Aiiieee!
Buck | Homepage | 12.24.08 - 4:15 pm | #

Misery loves company. So… join me and sing along, Gentle Reader.

Heh.

Classic!

Good Friend Lori out in the Bay Area Soviet Socialist Republic sends along a link to this:

Room for Rent -- Inauguration Day/ObamaCon 2009

---

Date: 2008-11-11, 11:45AM EST

In a search of a room in DC so that you can spend Jan. 20 standing in the bitter winter cold with thousands of like-minded souls watching the historic transfer of power from one Harvard grad to another? Look no further.

Me: Heartless, greedy right-wing oppressive type looking to make a buck.

You: Obama's election was Christmas/your first kiss/May Day all wrapped into one. You dutifully wore his button -- which you have yet to remove -- contributed money to his campaign from your non-profit job and chanted "yes we can" as if it were the 11th commandment. A strange void now exists in your life and -- like an old hippie looking to recapture the spirit of Woodstock -- you are undertaking a pilgramage to Washington for one last gulp of the Kool-Aid.

Along with my bedroom you will have access to the house's many amenities including cable television (not that you watch much TV) for viewing Keith Olberman's latest unhinged rants and CNN in high-def. Wireless internet means that the Huffington Post and DailyKos are only a click away on your MacBook. American flags and other patriotic paraphernalia in the room can be removed upon request.

The house is located in the diverse neighborhood of Adams Morgan with people of many different skin pigmentations that will allow you to revel in your tolerance. Rest assured, however, that this diversity does not extend to ideology and that you are sure to march lock-step with the prevailing sentiment ensuring that your most strongly held beliefs remain unchallenged.

Easily accessible subway and bus stops will help ensure a minimal carbon footprint while fair trade coffee is never more than a few steps away at any number of independently-owned establishments. Nearby non-chain bookstores similarly mean that tomes such as Mao's Little Red Book, Chomsky's latest masterpiece or additional copies of The Audacity of Hope can be easily purchased either for yourself or as early holiday shopping.

Rather than state a price I am requesting that you bid on this fabulous opportunity to ensure profit maximization on my part so that I can better weather the Bush Recession.

Lanier Pl. at Ontario google map yahoo map

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 914613135

The funny thing? I'm betting the dude/dudette is simply SWAMPED with offers.

The Scandal du Jour...

A screenshot from memeorandum this morning:

Yeah, OK. Right. Everyone who's anyone has something to say about this brouhaha, however meaningless and mundane it might be. I mean, we're talking Illinois politics, ain't we? Which is the antithesis of "squeaky clean." But I digress. All you really need to know about this oh-so-surprising scandal (surprising if you're a third grader, or if you live under a rock somewhere) is up at Iowahawk's place, to wit:

BREAKING: Feds Seize Blagojevich eBay Account

CHICAGO - The ongoing corruption probe into Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich took a dramatic turn this evening, as federal agents working for US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald announced that they had seized the governor's eBay account. It is as yet unknown how the latest seizure will effect the outcome of the case.
IOWAHAWK EXCLUSIVE! RUSH UPDATE!

Leaked documents from latest sealed federal indictment (click to embiggen)

Heh. You really gotta see this...

Heh

OK... in the "better late than never" category...



Well, not to quibble, but weren't their lives empty BEFORE the election?

Why I'm Voting Democrat...

Via Lex… especially for Blog-Buds Barry and Doc… a letter to the editor, published at American Thinker. Just a couple of excerpts to whet your appetite (I’m sorely tempted to use a Guns ‘n’ Roses pun here, but I’ll resist):

I’m voting Democrat because like most Americans I trust lawyers more than anyone else; I think only lawyers should run the government, and all the Democrat Leaders are lawyers: Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Joe Biden, John Edwards, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senate Leader Harry Reid, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and John Kerry, to name just a few. (Al Gore dropped out of Law School, so I don’t trust him as much, except on Global Warming.)

I’m voting Democrat because the Democrats support the trial lawyers and I think this country needs more lawsuits and less tort reform. And I don’t believe the trial lawyers’ contributions have a thing to do with it.

I’m voting Democrat because Congress has done such a wonderful job under Democrat leadership the last two years, that I want a lot more of the same.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to get my health care from the same competent, efficient, cost-effective, customer-service-focused folks who run the US Post Office, the Pentagon, FEMA and the state Registry of Motor Vehicles.

[…]

I’m voting Democrat because I’m for putting up barriers to free trade, as they did in 1930 with the Smoot-Hawley bill. That made things much better then.

I thought about adding more excerpts… but you get the picture. And you should go read ALL the great reasons for voting for The One… and his partners-in-crime running for House and Senate seats, too. I mean… how could you NOT, based on the way they’ve run things over the past two years? (Which, of course, in no way makes up for the debacle of the previous SIX years of a GOP-controlled Congress… but those retards were voted out in 2006, right?)

On Joe

So… like many others around the Right-O-Sphere and elsewhere I’m simply appalled at the way the Left-O-Sphere and the MSM have slimed Joe Wurzelbacher, aka “Joe the Plumber.” Jeez… the sheer temerity of this guy, questioning The One, and worse yet… disagreeing with him. You can’t DO that… this is a Brave NEW America! About which, a short video from Fox News Channel:

Regarding that “elsewhere” link, above. This is an excerpt from that link (Jules Crittenden, writing on his blog):

Now they’re investigating the “I am Joe” crowd. CBS:

The Republican National Committee is sending around this Associated Press photo of overall-clad McCain supporters standing outside an Obama rally, clutching plungers and a sign proclaiming “I Am Joe The Plumber”:

The only problem? At least two of the members aren’t quite as similar to the newly famous Joe Wurzelbacher as they might like you to think. As CBS News’ Maria Gavrilovic, who is traveling with the Obama campaign, reports, the man on the right does say he’s an actual plumber – though he is from Melbourne, Australia, and will thus not be casting a vote this November.

And the man on the left, plunger thrust high in the air, is Charlie Smith – the National Chairman of the College Republicans.

Yeah, well maybe it isn’t that they actually are Joe, but that they’re expressing an affinity with Joeness, you morons. Hard to grasp, I know, after all the energy that’s been put into explaining how sitting on boards with people, kicking off campaigns in their living rooms, sitting in their pews for 20 years, doesn’t make you an America-hating, ex-terrorist-palsing bigot or give you any affinity for them.

There’s much more, and here’s the link again. You should go read, if you haven’t already.

Further: Here’s David Burge (aka Iowahawk) on the subject, deviating from his usual and inimitable satirical take on things political:

First, a pre-emptive apology for the intentional non-humor to follow. I promise that all future non-humor will be strictly unintentional.

We've all witnessed a lot of insanity in American politics over the last few years. Up until the last few days, none of it has seriously bothered me; hey, just more grist for the satire mill. But after witnessing the media's blitzkreig on Joe 'the Plumber' Wurzelbacher, I can only muster anger, and no small amount of fear.

Politicians -- Sarah Palin, Bill Clinton, et al. -- obviously have to put up with some rude, nasty shit, but it's right there in the jobs description. Joe the Plumber is different. He was a guy tossing a football with his kid in the front yard of his $125,000 house when a politician picked him out as a prop for a 30 second newsbite for the cable news cameras. Joe simply had the temerity to speak truth (or, if you prefer, an uninformed opinion) to power, for which the politico-media axis apparently determined that he must be humiliated, harassed, smashed, destroyed. The viciousness and glee with which they set about the task ought to concern anyone who still cares about citizen participation, and freedom of speech, and all that old crap they taught in Civics class before politics turned into Narrative Deathrace 3000, and Web 2.0 turned into Berlin 1932.0.

Godwin's Law! you say? if the jackboot fits, wear it.

If it's meta-memes and meta-meta-narratives these media headlice want, so be it. I hope you will join me in expressing a simple bit of solidarity with this guy, Spartacus style. I AM JOE. I am a Wal Mart schlub in flyover country who changes my own oil and unclogs drains without a license. I smoke and drink beer and toss the football in the front yard with my kid, and I figure I can fend my way without handouts from some Magic Messiah's candy bags. Most everyone in my family and most everyone I grew up with is another Joe, and if you screw with them, you screw with me.

Are you a Joe? Say it proud. Leave it on every goddamn newspaper comment section and online forum. Let these pressroom and online thugs know you won't stay silent when they try to destroy the life of a private citizen for speaking his mind -- because for every one of them, there are a million Joe Wurzelbachers. And for that we should all be thankful.

Dang. What he SAID! Mr. Burge also included a link to the graphic displayed at the top of this post… suitable for insertion in your sidebar, if you have a blog. I’m just gonna include it here… coz my sidebar leaves NO doubt as to who I support and what I think of The One… and his policies. With any luck this whole “Joe” flap might be the event that allows Senator McCain to turn the corner. One can always hope…

And now… it’s Saturday, so it’s All Football, All The Time. For the rest of the day and well into the night.

I Didn't Watch the WHOLE Thing...

... so I might have missed this particular night. I'm pretty sure this wasn't the program at Invesco Field, but in the convention center? Possible, if not entirely probable.

2008 Democrat National Convention

Schedule of Events

7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING

7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE U.N.

7:20 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

7:25 pm NONRELIGIOUS PRAYER AND WORSHIP - Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton

7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING - Darryl Hannah

7:55 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

8:00 pm HOW I INVENTED THE INTERNET - Al Gore

8:35 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

8:40 pm OUR TROOPS ARE WAR CRIMINALS - John Kerry

9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM AND HIS SONS - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

10:00 pm ANSWERING MACHINE ETIQUETTE - Alec Baldwin

11:00 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

11:05 pm COLLECTION FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUND - Barbara Streisand

11:15 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY - Sean Penn

11:30 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS - William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

11:50 pm HOW GEORGE BUSH BROUGHT DOWN THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS - Howard Dean

12:15 am TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD - Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA - Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

1:05 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA

1:30 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST

1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hilary home

Via e-mail, from The Usual Suspect.

A Brief Introduction...

... to David Burge's latest masterpiece:

The Idiossey

The Not-Really-That-Epic Poem of Obamacles

(with Apologies to Homer)

Book the First: A question for the Muse

Speak to me, O Muse, of this resourceful man
who strides so boldly upon the golden shrine at Invescos,
Between Ionic plywood columns, to the kleig light altar.
Fair Obamacles, favored of the gods, ascends to Olympus
Amidst lusty tributes and the strumming lyres of Media;
Their mounted skyboxes echo with the singing of his name
While Olbermos and Mattheus in their greasy togas wrassle
For first honor of basking in their hero's reflected glory.
Who is this man, so bronzed in countenance,
So skilled of TelePropter, clean and articulate
whose ears like a stately urn's protrude?
So now, daughter of Zeus, tell us his story.
And just the Cliff Notes if you don't mind,
We don't have all day.

Said the Muse:

I will tell the story of Obamacles through my scribe Iowahawk.
But this shit is copyrighted, so reproduce at your peril.

Fair Use, David... Fair Use.