It's Looking Like Another Shoebox Kinda Day...

We've read the overnight mail and nothing struck our fancy, blog-wise.  So now we're making the rounds of our daily reads and find Mia put up something that's right up our alley.

I'd kinda-sorta buy that, if one eliminates all beer with "light" or equivalent wording in their names.

Good News!

I'm thinkin' this one's been around the block a few times before it hit my in-box.  It's still good, though.

Why, yes.  Yes, it IS a slow day for blog fodder.

Beastly Weather

Sorry.  I just couldn't help it.  But we MIGHT take our coffee on the verandah this morning.

Saturday: HyperFanGirls

Amusing, if you like David Attenborough's style:
 


Just a casual observation: there's a LOT o' money in orthodontia.  

And then there's this, which is pretty cool stuff.



I'd be looking into that software if I did time-lapse vids.

Saturday: Not Sold In Stores

Why have I not seen most of these on MY teevee?  I suppose I should be thankful I haven't.

For the record: slim video pickin's this week, what with The Usual Source of this stuff bein' on hiatus or otherwise indisposed.

Weird Al's "Mission Statement"

Anyone who's ever had to deal with dumb-ass mission statements will appreciate this:


 
I think Al hit ALL the buzzwords.  Apropos o' not much, on one unfortunate occasion I was tapped to participate in writing a mission statement after yet another in a series of endless corporate reorganizations.  That episode was painful beyond belief, aside from being a flaming waste of time.

No, that wasn't in the Air Force.  But there's this about that:

In Full Unapologetic Ranting Cranky Old Man Mode

So, I read over at The Officers Club (ed: a defunct blog) that the USAF has a new mission statement, to wit:

The Air Force changed its mission statement yesterday. The old MS reads:

The mission of the U.S. Air Force is to is to defend the United States through control and exploitation of air and space.

The new mission reads:

The mission of the United States Air Force is to deliver sovereign options for the defense of the United States of America and its global interests -- to fly and fight in Air, Space, and Cyberspace.

I'll begin with the only good thing about the new mission statement: at least The Management incorporated the old, unofficial mission statement: "To Fly and To Fight." So much for the good stuff.

Let's begin the rant.

Just what the HELL is a "sovereign option?" A military option that's exercised by the United States as a sovereign nation? Meaning we don't have to run it by the UN or France first? There's a good idea! Or options that are above all others, e.g., "superior" or "leading," as opposed to "ill-considered" or "secondary." I certainly HOPE we'd offer the country the best air and space defense options we have, to do less is dereliction of duty. Let's not quibble about words, however, let's just come right out and say it: It's STUPID and obfuscatory. Substituting "...deliver sovereign options for the defense of..." for the previous statement's "defend" makes the USAF sound like the freaking Chicago Board of Trade.

Let's pick a nit: how does one fly in "cyberspace?" Or, for that matter, how exactly do we fight in cyberspace? Networked video games? You can say we engage in space flight, but cyberspace-flight? Who are we trying to kid with this word? Including "cyberspace" in the mission statement isn't cutting edge, guys, it looks like what it is: a failed attempt at being cool. I can just hear it in the E-ring: "Air power is just SO passe on its own, we need something more au courant, something that sings! Let's work 21st century technology into the statement somewhere, OK? Get back to me." And so they did, by using a buzz word from the '90s. Shame on you.

And then there's this: Economy of Expression. Whenever you add 12 words to a sentence to express the same idea, you've taken a GIANT step backward. I personally think the old statement's 23 words was too verbose. 35 freaking words is beyond verbose, it's language-crime.

My last point. Anyone want to hazard a guess how many colonels and generals were tasked with writing the new statement? How much time was spent "staffing" the language and briefing it to the boss? I've played in some of these exercises, albeit at a much lower level, and I can tell you with some certainty the answer is: A LOT.

I could think of lots of better ways to burn cycles. Most of 'em have to do with winning the freaking war. Another good use of time would be convincing the doubters (senior DoD guys, congress) we absolutely need the F/A-22, in the numbers we've asked for. I use "we" because it's still MY Air Force, too.

/rant

And then there's this:

How did I miss this?  Specifically, "New Mexico Department of Workforce Solutions," mentioned in the post immediately below.  "DWS" prolly has sumthin' to do with employment statistics, job opportunities, and the like but one cannot rightly tell from the pompous title.  I was thinkin' any organization with a title like "Workforce Solutions" just had to be ate up with the dumb-ass.  And I was right.  Witness:

The New Mexico Department of Workforce Solutions is a World-Class, market-driven workforce delivery system that prepares New Mexico job seekers to meet current and emerging needs of New Mexico businesses; and ensures that every New Mexico citizen who needs a job will have one; and every business who needs an employee will find one with the necessary skills and work readiness to allow New Mexico businesses to compete in a global economy.

That's their "vision statement," and they also have a mission statement, of course:

Enhance productivity and competitiveness of New Mexico business and industry by improving the quality and availability of the New Mexico workforce. We will accomplish this through a system that offers universal access to lifelong learning based on relevant local and regional labor market needs, via integrated, customer-focused accountable service partnerships. 

We ALL know any gub'mint org and most Fortune 500 companies need vision and mission statements chock-a-bloc with the latest and greatest in biz-school buzz words.  It's just too damned bad those things don't SAY or MEAN any-gotdamned-thing.  I can recall MANY painful hours working in ad hoc task forces chartered to develop such "statements" from my days with Ross Perot's Excellent Data Company... AFTER Mr. Perot left, of course.

"Mission Statements" might just be one o' my biggest hot buttons. 

Another Shoebox Day

Thank The Deity At Hand for Mia, coz EIP would be lost without her.  That said, I can relate to "three more."

Saturday: What Would I Do Without Jimmy Fallon, Redux

I'd sure as Hell look.  Oh, my... YES.

Catching the Early Bus

Gotta go over to The Big(ger) City^TM to get The Tart's oil changed this morning... so we're gonna be out the door early in order to be first in line at the dealer's service department.  They don't do appointments for oil changes but said changes are FREE, so there's that.  In the meantime, here's a lil sumthin' My Buddy Ed In Florida sent along:

Know Your State Motto

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic
Than Your Honda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The
Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our
Water
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist
Extremism
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ...
Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Are Real Good
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Louisiana:
We're Not ALL Drunken Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Little Else
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nevada: Hookers and Poker!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent; You Have The Right To an Attorney
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn’t Actually Surrender
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tennessee: The Educashun State
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vermont: Yep
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slack jaw Yokels Don't Mix?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington: Help! Nerds And Slackers Overrun Us!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared

There's a lil truth in all of those, methinks.  I just wish whoever wrote this would have come up with sumthin' better for New Mexico... after all, we DID give the world its first nuclear detonation.  And CHILES!

Saturday: (No Tag Line)

I just could NOT think of a suitable title for this:



It's pretty damned funny, though... "Your grandpa's bobbing for ovaries!"... and well-played.

Watching the World Cup

It's riveted, we are.

This Is Fun

I got this link from an item in the PBS Newshour Daily Political e-mail...

To mark the publication of Hillary Clinton's Hard Choices, create a book name of your own

There are hard choices and then there are hard choices—like what to call your political memoir. As with politics, the genre seems encourage a certain brand of safe conformity. When in doubt, politicians can try one resolute word like Duty (Robert Gates) or Leadership (Rudy Giuliani). If you’re Barbara Bush and you’re writing a memoir, you can go with, well, A Memoir. America is a always a good place to start whether you’re An American Son (Marco Rubio), have lived An American Life (Ronald Reagan) or happen to know America By Heart (Sarah Palin). Bravery of all shades is to be celebrated from The Audacity of Hope (Barack Obama) to A Fighting Chance (Elizabeth Warren) to the Courage to Stand (Tim Pawlenty).

Still having trouble coming up with a title for a political memoir of your own? We’ll do the work for you. Click below to create a new title and share the results.

Well, OK.  I did just that... several times.  Here's what Norman would write...

And here's Buck's Books...

I'm pretty sure none of those would be best sellers but they are good for a grin. "Challenging Temerity."  Heh.

More Clever Stuff

The rosters for tonight's SCF Game One:

Heh.  An alternative version of both rosters is here.

Let's Go Rangers Roger Wankers!

Saturday: I Think This Has Been Done Before

Interpreting Joe, is what I mean by "done before," as I seem to remember another effort in this space.  The Usual Source sez this is an old video, so mebbe it's the same one I'm thinkin' about.

Apropos o' nuttin' much... I was in Beautiful Wakkanai By The Sea when Woodstock happened and the Stars and Stripes ran a front page picture of the traffic jam the next day.  "The New York state thruway's CLOSED, Man!"

It Took Me a Minute

Well, about 30 seconds, actually... and then I literally laughed out loud.

H/t: Shoebox.  Who else?

Saturday: Aren't We Glad Winter's Over!

You have to stay to the very end to get it.



This vid isn't from the Usual Source of the Saturday vids, mainly coz all the stuff there was pretty lame this week.  YMMV, of course.

I Found This Amusing

YMMV, of course.

In other news... It's dead calm this morning; the whirlwind has moved on.  And for that we are most thankful.  But it left behind a reminder of its visit:

I suppose I know what's on my list today... wash the car*, or "reaping the whirlwind," so to speak.

* Which was immaculately gleaming before yesterday's dust extravaganza.

Saturday: SNL

I don't watch the show any longer, haven't for years.  But this is good:



Heh.

Heh

Wait.  Aren't all medals a DIY proposition?

More Dead Horses

The best hockey tweet ever:

Ms. Szabados is the goalie for Team Canada.