We WILL Prefer Charges

That traitor of an Old AF Sarge is whining about how he's unconcerned about his perfidious acts o' treachery upon the service that currently provides him with a portion o' his sustenance, completely disregarding the fact he went over to the dark side, apparently for the simple purposes of currying favor from his offspring, who, not coincidentally, have ALSO gone over to said dark side.  None the less, treachery is treachery and we shall prefer charges... which are NOT without precedent.  Witness:

The service is harsher on senior officers, true, but we cannot let these sorts of acts go unpunished in the NCO ranks simply because loyalty is first and foremost among the cardinal virtues.  Let the facts be submitted to a candid world... and we shall judge.  I've advised the Old AF Sarge to retain independent counsel, mainly because the outcomes of courts-martial are often decided long before the court convenes.  Like this:

Heh.  I think the Old Sarge better be gettin' his mind right, coz it looks like he's in for an extended stay here:

We've been there and done that, in a manner o' speakin'.  Our stay was brief, however... and pretty much enjoyable.  The Old Sarge might not get that lucky.

Wouldn't THIS Be an Air Show?

Imagine a formation o' six o' these guys in a high performance take-off roll...

... and the bomb-burst finale.

(Purpose o' this post: to counter Squidly propaganda bein' perpetrated by a traitorous former Air Force sergeant whose stripes are at SERIOUS risk for "conduct unbecoming" and "actions prejudicial to the interests of the Air Force.")

Emerging Service Worker Redux

OK... it got the best o' me, so I went back and redid the quiz, punching in values from my salad days.  This is the result:

Ya know what this tells me?  First... I'm the personification of that "downwardly mobile in retirement" phenomenon.  Next up: cat food, if trends are to be believed.  Second... the quiz is obviously skewed in ways that are impossible to ascertain, on account o' because there's NO fucking way I could ever be in an "elite" category.  Granted, we led a rather privileged and comfortable life when we were working.  That said, we lead a life today that's not wanting in any category... be it material or metaphysical or social, or any other thing you can think of.

My bottom line?  A pox on surveys, any and all.

O, My Aching Ass

I'd comment on needless, insincere, and perfunctory apologies about anything/everything, but let's just go with the UCR "Heh."  There's just no pleasing the perpetually-offended class.

THIS Won't Last Long

I like it, but I'm thinkin' Daddy Hagel and his Navy command won't.

H/t: a tweet/instagram pic from Iowahawk.

Saturday

The Usual Source o' these things is pretty lame this week... I guess it was a slow week for vids.  Three of the Guardian's Top Ten vids were moldy old April Fool's Day pranks and here's the best, just in case ya missed it.



I love the deadpan way Google presents these things... they seem almost plausible.

Swag From the AOR

SN1 gifted me with this when he came home on leave...

My inner interior decorator is quite pleased with how well the colors on the wrap match my furnishings.  The wrap... or blanket, if you prefer... features all the airframes Buck is responsible for maintaining in his role as 380AEW/EMXS commander.  That would be, in no particular order, the KC-10, the Global Hawk, two variants of Eagles, the Raptor, AWACS, and the Dragon Lady.  That's a pretty diverse flight line, nu?

Today's Happy Hour Soundtrack

Bobby D...

Nothing was delivered
And I tell this truth to you
Not out of spite or anger
But simply because it’s true
Now, I hope you won’t object to this
Giving back all of what you owe
The fewer words you have to waste on this
The sooner you can go

This, by way of explanation, from a recent e-mail exchange with my cigar dealer (said in the kindest possible terms):

Buck Pennington	4:11 PM (22 hours ago)
to Tim

Hey Tim,

I'm just back from the PO and the postmaster says he thinks he knows where that shipment is, but he'll have to break into one of his mailboxes to get it.  The long and short of it is he suspects my cigars were delivered to 16th Street, vice 17th Street.  I'll know more later today, according to the postmaster.
As for your last... the one before this note... where you said:

Damn, Buck I’m so sorry.  Please keep me posted.  I’ll make this right I promise.

This isn't YOUR fault.  Stuff happens, yanno?  Hopefully I'll have my cigars in hand by the close o' PO bid'niz today.  But, to answer your question... Yes.  I DID like those Liga Privadas. 

Best Regards,
bp

That would be about my latest shipment o' cigars, which the USPS said was delivered this past Saturday but wasn't... and is still not delivered, as we speak.  I suppose I'll have to make a THIRD trip to the post office for more excuses.  In the meantime our stash is down to three cigars and it's gonna be a near-run thing for my latest resupply to make it here before we do a Mother Hubbard impression.

 

There's this, too, since we're pissin' and moanin':

 

 

It may be warm outside but I'd have to wear goggles to keep blowin' dust outta my eyes if I were to take Happy Hour on the verandah.  I can't seem to find those goggles, so I guess we'll remain indoors.

It's always sumthin'.

Service Worker

An EMERGING service worker, if'n you please.  Like this:

That's where the Beeb sez I fall in their self-defined British class structure, assuming I'm British, which we all know I'm NOT.  I'm just a lil bit hurt, in that I fall below the traditional working class.

H/t to that Brighton Pensioner, who is Established Middle Class.  You can take the quiz here, if'n yer interested.

I Didn't Say It...

... but I COULD have.

Broadening Our Horizons LVII

We're not much on stouts as a rule (we DO like our porters, stout's brother-in-arms), but given the fact our weather has taken a wintry turn we figgered we might do a stout or two today.  We saw a sixer o' these at the local beer emporium and brought one home to grace our fridge.

This is great good stuff!  Lemmee quote my go-to guys:

Nice opaque black colour with a tight & patchy cream/foam head. Aromas include roasted, day old coffee/coffee beans, black liquorice. Tight lively carbonation. Smooth, creamy and robust with an astringent roasted barley flavour, smoked malts, wood, black liquorice and molasses. Sweetness is mild. Hop bitterness is thin with a limey backbone that peaks and puckers for a brief moment. Dry, crisp, grain and raw on the edges of the palate. Finish brings some dryness to the mouth, as well as some lingering burnt flavours.

Dry, complex and damn tasty ... a real nice stout.

What more could I add?  Well, this:  it doesn't take all day to pour a pint, like SOME stouts we know (but don't necessarily love).  Heart of Darkness is RIGHT up my alley: malty, smooth, and there's no overpowering hoppiness to be found.  This is a very well-balanced brew.

While I was makin' the beer run I noted with great appreciation that the WX, while on the chilly side at 52 degrees, is entirely suitable for an outdoor Happy Hour.  The bright sunshine and lack o' wind makes the al fresco beer-drinking experience quite tolerable... and downright enjoyable.  So we shall now continue as we've begun.

I Got Nuthin', You Get Yet Another Re-Run.

It's a re-re-run, too.  You'll note there's a reference in the first line below about haircuts bein' all the rage these days... well, that's still true.  But we digress.

The Saturday Re-Run

Haircuts and barber shops seem to be all the rage lately.  And yeah, we has us a barber shop blogging tee shirt or two.  From January of 2006... one of my earliest efforts:

Haircuts, Past and Present

I forgot to tell you a couple of things about my barber shop experience yesterday, chief among which is the price. Inflation being what it is, the price of a haircut in Portales went up from nine dollars to ten. Still cheap, after all. But I pay about half again as much as I used to, when I patronized the sheep-shearers at the Cannon AFB Base Exchange. The upside is I get a much more personal experience and better service, to boot. The average time-in-the-chair at the BX was about seven minutes, on the outside; I spent at least 45 minutes in the chair yesterday. Yesterday my ten dollars (plus tip, of course) bought me a beard trim, too. The downside is Jay doesn't quite have the physical attributes of my former barberess, who occasionally treated me to inadvertent and unintended, in a lascivious way, brushes with her soft bits. Those were nice.

Which leads me to tell you about the best haircut I ever got in my life, a birthday gift from a very eccentric friend of mine from days gone by, Rick Hovarter. Before I tell you about the haircut, let me digress and give you a flavor for what Rick was like.

I first met Rick in Klamath Falls, Oregon. We were both stationed at Kingsley Field, he a meteorological equipment technician, me a radar guy. I’m not quite sure how we first met, but I’ll never forget the first time I walked into his room in the dorm. Rick was a bit older than the average young enlisted troop, being in his mid-twenties. Old, for a two-striper. Rick was also, to put it mildly, a bit strange. He had a fascination for antique Americana, and by that I mean his prized possessions were, just to name three, a fully-functional Underwood typewriter, circa 1925; a beautifully finished and immaculately lacquered propeller from an old Jenny biplane; and an original and pristine 1941 Mercury two-door sedan that had been in his family since it was new. The prop and the typewriter were prominently displayed in his dorm room. I used to love riding around in that old Merc, too. Rick had an antique 30-caliber revolver in the glove box of the Mercury and had the disconcerting habit (to me) of occasionally pulling off to the side of the road while we were riding around the Oregon countryside to pop off a few rounds at gophers and other assorted varmints. Out the window of the Merc. Most of the time he’d fire out of the driver’s window, other times he’d lean across the seat and fire out of the passenger window. Drove me nuts, that did.

Anyway. We became fast friends. As is the case in military life, I left Kingsley Field and was reassigned to Yokota AB, Japan. A few months after I arrived at Yokota I walked into the dining hall for lunch and who did I see in the line ahead of me? Rick. A great and good surprise, and we took up where we left off.

Fast forward a couple of months, to my birthday. I had the day off and was lying in my bed in the dorm early in the morning, wondering what I was gonna do, when someone knocked on my door. I got up, answered the door, and let Rick into the room. Rick told me to get dressed and come with him; he was going to give me my birthday present.

We went to breakfast first, brunch, actually (Rick bought), then got into Rick’s old Toyopet Cedric and drove off-base into The Ville (Fussa City, right outside Yokota’s main gate.). Rick parked the car, we got out, and he said “follow me.” We then walked down an alley and into a barber shop. There waiting for us was an old man, the barber, and two young Japanese maidens, all three smiling broadly. The old man waved me into one of the barber chairs, and I dutifully sat. The old man reclined the barber chair and I stretched out, fully supine. One of the girls then proceeded to take off my shoes and socks, while the other fetched a large handful of steaming towels from a container. She artfully wrapped my entire head in those towels, leaving a small space for me to breathe through. All the while this is going on, the other girl is washing my feet. After a few minutes, the second girl unwraps my face and the barber proceeds to shave me. The first girl is still working on my feet, giving me a pedicure and ending up with a prolonged and wonderful foot massage. After the barber finished shaving me I was escorted to a wash stand where the first girl washed and towel-dried my hair. Then it was back to the barber chair for the actual haircut while the two girls gave me a manicure. The whole experience ended with both girls massaging my entire upper body. I walked out of that place feeling like a million bucks, and I’ve never had a “haircut” like that, ever again. A truly unique experience, and classic Hovarter.

I lost touch with Rick after leaving Yokota and have often wondered what became of him. We certainly had some wild times, equal to or exceeding the haircut experience. I miss the boy!

I added the image today; we didn't do all that much picture posting in the beginning.  The pic is obviously NOT related to the post, coz that's SN3 getting his first haircut.  He was a real trooper about the whole thing, too.

I'll be glad when my muse gets back from wherever she ran off to with whomever she's with.   I hope she's having a good time.

It's Really True, Yanno?

Tacos.  It's what's for dinner.

It's Always SUMTHIN'

You could call me bitchy today were I of the female persuasion.  But I'm male, so call me Grumpy.  Or Crotchety.  Or too late for breakfast.  Or sumthin' like that.  To begin with... I shouldn't have gone on about how nice our weather has been coz it got real shitty overnight, which is to say cold and dreary.  Here it is well after the noon hour and we haven't topped 40 degrees:

I don't hardly think we'll make 60 today, let alone 66.  Just for comparison's sake: we were well over 75 degrees at this time yesterday.  Ma Nature and me need to have a talk.

And then there's the post office.  I pay attention to the cigar inventory quite closely and take great pains to order my cigars in such a manner as to NEVER get caught short.  This practice presupposes that the freakin' post office will actually deliver my cigars on time and... wouldn't you know it... my latest shipment that the PO claims to have delivered this past Saturday has gone missing.  We're not in panic mode yet, given we still have eight sticks in the humidor.  That said, having to get all bundled up and make a trip down to the post office didn't do my attitude any good and neither did their response to my "where is it?" query... of COURSE they don't have a clue where my cigars are... but they'll call me if they find them.  Thanks, guys.

It's always SUMTHIN'.

Yet ANOTHER Heh

My, how we DO relate:

That said, no one ever did this to me.  As an April Fools Day joke, of course.

Today's Happy Hour Soundtrack: Two Heros

John Lee Hooker and Van the Man:



It's about the third or fourth consecutive day o' beautiful weather here on The High Plains o' New Mexico and we have our windows and door open wide with John Lee on the stereo at a suitable volume... "suitable" meaning capable o' entertaining both me and the neighbors... but no one's home next door or even anywhere else in the complex, given that everyone's out earning a living.  Except me, coz MY living's already been earned.  Still and even.

But about our day...

You'll note we'll be in the 70s and 80s for the foreseeable future (just ignore Wednesday, mmm-kay?) and that's a great good thing, yanno?  We did this today to celebrate our continuing great weather:

That would be the first G&T o' the season.  Yum.

Fool's Paradise

It's April Fools... but ya knew that... and I celebrated by staying abed until the literal crack o' noon.  I JUST now poured my first cup, have finished working through the overnight mail, and searched the vast EIP archives for this (from 2008):

Poisson d’Avril

It’s April Fools’ Day. But ya knew that. One thing you might not know, Gentle Reader, is there’s a web site that lists the “Top 100 April Fool’s Day Hoaxes of All Time.” Great good stuff there. Blog-Bud Barry, from whence I got the link, likes Number Five on the list…and I have to agree with him, being the language person I am (or like to think I am, anyway).

#5: San Serriffe

In 1977 the British newspaper The Guardian published a special seven-page supplement devoted to San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semi-colon-shaped islands. A series of articles affectionately described the geography and culture of this obscure nation. Its two main islands were named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. Its capital was Bodoni, and its leader was General Pica. The Guardian's phones rang all day as readers sought more information about the idyllic holiday spot. Few noticed that everything about the island was named after printer's terminology. The success of this hoax is widely credited with launching the enthusiasm for April Foolery that gripped the British tabloids in subsequent decades.

I could see this particular hoax flying long and far in the USofA, given our woeful geographic knowledge. But it surprises me the Brits were taken in, what with the fact the British are very well-traveled (compared to us), and especially the blatantly obvious “Upper Caisse,” “Lower Caisse,” yadda, yadda. 

Also from the list… the first internet hoax, ever:

#12: Kremvax

In 1984, back in the Stone Age of the internet, a message was distributed to the members of Usenet (the online messaging community that was one of the first forms the internet took) announcing that the Soviet Union was joining Usenet. This was quite a shock to many, since most assumed that cold war security concerns would have prevented such a link-up. The message purported to come from Konstantin Chernenko (from the address chernenko@kremvax.UUCP) who explained that the Soviet Union wanted to join the network in order to "have a means of having an open discussion forum with the American and European people." The message created a flood of responses. Two weeks later its true author, a European man named Piet Beertema, revealed that it was a hoax. This is believed to be the first hoax on the internet. Six years later, when Moscow really did link up to the internet, it adopted the domain name 'kremvax' in honor of the hoax.

Who said Commies had no sense of humor?

 

The Wiki also has an impressive list of April Fools’ Day pranks… Also from The Wiki is this bit of trivia, with which I have personal experience, given I lived in Paris as a boy: “The April 1 tradition in France includes poisson d'avril (literally "April's fish"), attempting to attach a paper fish to the victim's back without being noticed.” You cannot imagine, Gentle Reader, the lengths young boys will go to just to attach a paper fish to another boy’s back (or girl’s…but not so much at ages 8 ~ 10). It’s pretty danged difficult to spend an entire day with your back to the wall, so to speak.

―:☺:―

And then there’s this:

Happy April Fools' Day!

As expected, Google's Gmail rolled out a fake "custom time" feature, which purports to let users send e-mails into the past and consequently never miss important deadlines again. The new feature "utilizes an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality," Google wrote.

"I just got two tickets to Radiohead by being the 'first' to respond to a co-worker's 'first-come, first-serve' email," a fake testimonial on the Custom Time site read. "Someone else had already won them, but I told everyone to check their inboxes again. Everyone sort of knows I used Custom Time on this one, but I'm denying it."

April Fools' Day is something that the Gmail folks take very seriously--the product's real beta launch was, in fact, on April 1, 2004.

Fun at the Googleplex… I use G-Mail but I missed the prank. Google must have taken “custom time” down by the time I rolled out of bed.

―:☺:―

That was a few years ago... this year Twitter and The Tube O' You join the fun.

―:☺:―

And then there's this...

From a tweet by Chris Kuc.

Yesterday was Mr. Hockey's 85th birthday and the Wings celebrated by wearing number nine on everyone's jersey during the pre-game skate at The Joe.  It's too bad they didn't honor Gordie by actually PLAYING RED WINGS HOCKEY, what with being humiliated on national teevee and losing to the Hated 'Hawks by the miserable score of 7-1.  Yesterday's game was an early one and I set my alarm for 1030 hrs to be sure I didn't miss anything.  I got up, opened the blinds, turned on the teevee, and put the coffee on.  Well, the score was 3-0 before the freakin' coffee pot had finished doin' its thing and it's a great good thing you weren't in the immediate vicinity, Gentle Reader, coz the combination of lack o' sleep, ZERO caffeination, and piss-poor play made Buck a VERY surly and foul-mouthed boy.  I turned the game off four minutes into the second when the 'Hawks went up by 5-0.  There are some things in life I just don't wanna see.

Gordie must have been proud.

Happy Easter

1 Peter 1:3

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead...

Image: Sistine Chapel. Hendrick van den Broeck (1519-1597) — Scenes from the Life of Christ: The Resurrection of Christ (H).
 

(Yes... it's the same thing I posted last post every year.  Some things cannot be improved upon.)

Saturday

We seem to be all about anniversaries of late.  Here's another:



I've been on Twitter since November of 2008, or a lil over half of it's life.  That said, I don't tweet often (only 234 tweets, lifetime) but I DO follow 68 people or organizations and dial into the hashtags once in a while when something big is happening... like the Green Revolution (what a misnomer!) in Iran and the tsunami that hit Japan.

Congrats, Twitter... and thanks.

Speaking of technology... check out Arthur C. Clarke:



How's that for prescience?  From the Usual Saturday Source:

In 1974 Arthur C Clarke, standing in a computer bunker, told a stunned kid on Australian television that when he was as old as the presenter – which would be the year 2001 – he would have compact version of one of those computers. He predicted he would be able to use it to get all the information he needed: bank statements, theatre reservations. The presenter worried what it would mean in social terms. "It would mean people would we able to live anywhere on earth [and do their jobs]," replied Clark. Aah, those crazy pipe dreams ...

Science fiction, science fact.  We truly live in a wonderful age.

Ah... but let's not get TOO carried away with Teh Tech...

Sight from Sight Systems on Vimeo.

Heh.

Another 40th Anniversary

From the Usual USAF Source:

Anniversary of US Pullout from Vietnam  Forty years ago, on March 29, 1973, the last US ground troops withdrew from Vietnam, marking the end of direct US involvement in the Vietnam War. President Nixon addressed the nation that day, saying: "For the first time in 12 years, no American military forces are in Vietnam. All of our American POWs are on their way home." The withdrawal came two months after the United States, South Vietnam, and North Vietnam concluded the Paris peace accords. They failed to bring peace as Saigon would ultimately fall on April 30, 1975, to North Vietnamese communist forces, ending the long conflict. (C-Span webpage with video of Nixon's address.)

For a selection of Air Force Magazine articles over the years on the Vietnam War, see:

Commissioned in Hanoi
Leaving No One Behind
The Lessons of Vietnam
Linebacker II
Return to Vietnam
Stennis Slams McNamara 

Click for larger

We were in Vietnam for 12 years... from 1961 until 1973.  One of my very first... mayhap even THE first... war stories revolves around our involvement there and my relationship with the war.  It's September, 1963 and I'm in the end-game o' basic training at Lackland AFB in San Antonio, part o' said end-game being spending a couple o' days on the obstacle course, or whatever they call it now.  My flight was taking a smoke break after spending a couple o' hours running through mud, walking across logs, and climbing vertical obstacles when this fat Staff Sergeant TI (that would be Training Instructor, for you non-mil types) started barking at us.  He said something that IMMEDIATELY caught our attention, to the effect o'...

"You Ladies better gotdamned well pay ATTENTION to what we're teaching you here, coz you'll NEED it when we send yer asses to Veet-Nam!"

"Veet-Nam?" sez one of my fellow airmen... not me... "What's Veet-Nam?"

"We're fightin' a WAR there, Boy!  So pay attention!"

We all looked at one another and silently mouthed "war?"  What war?  Who knew?  The answer is that in 1963 damned few people in these United States knew we were at war in Vietnam but we... the members of my flight and the nation as a whole... would find out soon enough.

Cross-posted at The Lexicans.