Older. Not Quieter.

This is the first of what may be a continuing series of random thoughts on aging. Notice the emphasis on “may” in the preceding sentence. I’ve had noble aspirations of this sort before, and I’ve rarely delivered. So: caveat emptor. And all that.

So. One doesn’t see a whole helluva lot on the subject of growing old around the blogosphere. I find this both normal and unusual, at the same time. The lack of discussion is “normal” because we live in the ultimate youth culture. There’s been frickin’ volumes written about this phenomenon elsewhere… let’s just take it as accepted wisdom and move on. No digressions in this space.

No one wants to grow old… it’s almost a crime by our current cultural standards. So, we get our botox injections, buy the Vette, go water skiing three times a week, or take a 3,000 mile motorcycle tour as a “vacation,” and pretend we’re still 40. Or 50. Whatever. But we’re NOT supposed to be old, ya know... we’re supposed to be “only as young as we feel.” So therefore we don’t talk about it… being old. That’s normal. I find it unusual, however, since I know the first wave of Boomers applied for Social Security this year. And Boomers have always been “all about me,” and me is old now. But… no comment from the Boomer cadre. This is really strange… I mean, what? Boomers are getting old and aren’t talking about it? How strange! Unless one stops and considers the Boomers almost single-handedly created the Youth Culture (see: that trite and immediately shop-worn ‘70s phrase “Don’t trust anyone over 30!”) and find themselves in a position where they can’t possibly say “Never mind!” and begin singing the praises of aging. Or even talk about aging in an observational sort of way. Bad place, that. Thus they (we?) seem to be “Forever Young,” as Bobby sang.

Well… I’m gonna change that. I’m gonna talk a lil bit about getting old. No big-ass essays or anything like that, coz that’s not me. I’m basically superficial and get more out of dialog than I do from exposition. So… that’s a sort of left-handed way of soliciting your comments on these random musings, if you’re “of a certain age.” Or even if you’re not. Coz we’re all gonna be there eventually, Lord Willing and the creek don’t rise.

So. To begin this discussion I thought I’d google “thoughts on aging.” I found this… an interesting laundry list… written by a man who “recently turned 50.” Let’s set aside the fact I passed 50 well over ten years ago and don’t think of that age as “old” any longer. Let’s just say there’s a lot in the linked list I don’t or can’t relate to… mostly the itemized physical ailment(s)… but there are other things, too. It’s a good list, and I urge you to go check it out. That said… I most definitely relate to this:

I seem to be turning into a dirty old man. Almost every woman under the age of forty now appears attractive. Since I'm sure there hasn't been a massive change in the beauty of American women, it's my evaluation of them that's changed. Friends who are the same age say the same thing is happening to them; one of them commented, "The older I get, the more beautiful women are."

I relate alright, but with one minor twist: I find women over 40 to be attractive… nay… irresistible. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate “the younger form,” Gentle Reader… far from it. My interest is more academic where younger women are concerned, though. My mind wanders much further a field when I see a well-turned-out older woman. Specifically: one over 40 — and most especially… over 50. Perhaps this academic/“other” thought dichotomy is a sub-conscious rationalization mechanism, i.e., thinking “there’s NO frickin’ way” whenever I see a sweet young thang. But I think not. I think we perceive potential mates (rationally… as in: relationships; or irrationally… as in Wal-Mart daydreams) in an entirely different way as we age. The slings and arrows of time doing their work (or worst, depending on your POV) on the female form become something different to an older viewer. Your “sag” becomes my “curve” (and I use that term in the best way possible. Draw your own conclusions.) Your facial “age lines” tell me your experience and character left favorable impressions upon your face… and that doesn’t even consider your history of laughter. Your eyes are knowing, not seeking or questioning. I could go on (and ON), but… you get the picture, right? There’s everything to be said for maturity (on many different levels), not the least of which is physical (I am male, after all).

Which brings me to my next and final point. I seriously wish women would quit trying to fuck with time, as in fight a losing rear-guard action with it. That’s a war you can’t win. Rather: accept it. And accept it gracefully. Older women are simply frickin’ beautiful; there’s no real or perceived need to delay or reverse what you’ve become in the hope of remaining what you were. You wouldn’t want to reverse your intellectual or emotional development and revert to being age 25, would you? So if you’re not gonna mess with the contents, why mess with the box? Besides… most men like you as you are, which is to say not-25; the great majority of men who appear to think otherwise are simply buying in to what’s expected of us. Leave us not get into just who sets these expectations, mmm-kay? Let’s just chalk it up to cultural conditioning, and leave it at that.

Thus endeth today’s sermon. Shorter: I like Ol’ Ladies.

The image: My Senator… The Honorable Kay Bailey Hutchison. (Wikipedia)

Update 9/17/2008, 1405 hrs: Deborah, in comments, sez: “You and Benjamin Franklin.” Ah...yes! Ol' Ben wrote one of my favorite pieces on this subject, ever. And here it is, in the event you're unfamiliar with it:

June 25, 1745

MY DEAR FRIEND:- I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural inclination you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you will find solid Happiness. Your Reason against entering into it at present appears to be not well founded. The Circumstantial Advantages you have in View by Postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that makes the complete Being. Separate she wants his force of Body and Strength of Reason; he her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are most likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissors.

If you get a prudent, healthy wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking that Commerce with the Sex is inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice that in your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. This you call a Paradox, and demand my reasons. They are these:

1. Because they have more Knowledge of the world, and their Minds are better stored with Observations; their conversation is more improving, and more lastingly agreeable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Man, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a thousand Services, small and great, and are the most tender and useful of Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an Old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much inconvenience.

4. Because through more Experience they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation; and regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be inclined to excuse an old Woman, who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his manners by her good Councils, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part. The Face first grows lank and Wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the Dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of Corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal and frequently superior; every Knack being by Practice capable by improvement.

6. Because the sin is less. The Debauching of a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend making an old Woman happy.

8. 8th & lastly. They are so grateful!!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry immediately; being sincerely

Your Affectionate Friend, Benj. Franklin

Apropos of not much... I find it both amusing and gratifying that one of our greatest Founding Fathers (ahem) was considered to be among the leading womanizers of the age. I use the term “womanizer” in its best sense... if there is a best sense... and in no way intend to be demeaning. One could say “appreciative,” just as easily.

Thanks for reminding me of this, Deborah.