Snarkin' On Teh Music

So…I’m cruisin’ around this morning, checking out the other VALOUR-IT Team Air Force blogs, when I come across a link posted by the The Mad Pigeon, who says (in jest) he’s never gonna post another music video again. Why? Coz it’s futile… impossible…don’t even try… to top “The 10 Most Terrifyingly Inspirational '80s Songs.”

It’s not about the music, Gentle Reader. Oh, no. The music sucketh mightily, in fact. Nope. It’s the snark, the whole snark, and nothing but the snark. Example:

Yes, somehow Kenny Loggins, the man who co-sang "Danny’s Song" plea-bargained a temporary pair of testicles and stepped up to be a man for one brief, shining moment in 1986. He wrote a song tailor-made for shadow boxing in the midst of explosions on a rainy night, while standing on a mountain top and screaming to the heavens.

"Danger Zone" is comprised of entirely guitar riffs and vague references to machines and speed. He did not settle for a lesser concept. He put you on a highway: the fastest, straightest route possible directly to an entire zone that is nothing but danger. There was no "Parkway to the Naughty Territories," or "Off Ramp to Risky Town," or even "Scenic Route Through Fistfight County."

[…]

As is the case for all deals bartered with the devil, there was a catch, and poor Loggins' balls were not to last. He quickly returned to pastels and songs about love-conquering stuff. Thus were his few glorious, fleeting moments as a male rendered all but a memory, leaving Loggins to live to this day in silent misery amidst the many fond remembrances of what having a penis felt like.

Well, Hell! Even if you have some sort of “thing” for Kenny Loggins, you have to admit the above is funny…even if you won’t, in your dementia, admit it’s true. “Your Daddy Don’t Rock ‘n’ Roll,” indeed.

DO go.