Friday, December 27, 2013

A Dollar Short

This was on The Duffel Blog yesterday...

NORAD ‘Santa Tracker’ Accidentally Reveals US Nuclear Targets

PETERSON AFB, CO — North American Aerospace Defense Command is furiously denying allegations the organization’s holiday tradition of tracking Santa Claus’ path on Christmas Eve led to the leak of targeting parameters for America’s hefty nuclear intercontinental ballistic arsenal.
“I thought it was strange that we had Santa starting out here in the Rockies, and heading straight for Beijing and Pyongyang,” said one senior NORAD official, speaking under condition of anonymity. “By the time we had him dropping cluster-gifts on Tehran, we realized it wasn’t the Santa Simulation we were supposed to be running.”

Protests across the world gripped headlines this morning, as even Canadians took to the streets with signs reading, “Quebec Probably Isn’t Worth Bombing,” “Please Don’t Bomb Canada, if You Can Avoid It,” and, “We’ll Do Better, We Promise!”
In other countries, anger was palpable, as diplomats and leaders around the world reacted to the leaked intelligence. Afghan President Hamid Karzai again blasted the U.S. for “corruption, greed, and lack of trust” from his enormous golden sky palace hovering over the city of Kabul. In Baku, Prime Minister Artur Rasizade issued a press release asking simply, “What the fuck did Azerbaijan ever do to [the United States]?” Unconfirmed cables from the U.S. Diplomatic Service in Paris suggested that negotiations were even underway for some sort of surrender.
The whole danged thing is pretty funny, so go if you haven't already seen it.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Just be polite... that's all I ask.