An Occasional Correspondent sends this along...
The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was veryupset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.""The first is that I iron better than you."Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."Wife: "Oh yeah?"Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"Maria: "Jor hozban did."Wife, increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he?"Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth... "And did my husband say that as well?"Maria: "No Señora.... the gardener did."Wife: "Soooo .... how much do you want?"
Heh.
Heh.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'd call an "instant classic".
Dunno about "classic," but it sure is GOOD.
DeleteMy favorite joke: An old Cowboy is sitting at a bar...
ReplyDeleteThis young woman walks in and sees this old Cowboy sitting at a bar. She asks him if he is a "Real Cowboy" and he replies, well yes, I think I am. I rope cattle all day, I ride my horse across the range, and I love the smell of the great outdoors.
The old man then asks what she is. She replies that she is a lesbian and can't keep her eyes off of women. She wants to have sex with every woman she meets.
Well, she finishes her drink and leaves.
This guy comes in and sits down. Looks over at the cowboy and asks "Are you a Real Cowboy?"
The cowboy looks at him and says "I used to think so, but I just found out I was a lesbian"
Yup... I've heard that one before, but it bears repeating.
DeleteOK, one more cow-boy joke, and then I'll quit...
ReplyDeleteA cowboy named Mark was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”
Mark looks at the man, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”
The man parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his iPhone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his iPhone that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his iPhone and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Mark.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Mark says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re a Congressman”, says Mark.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the man, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used thousands of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter you are than I am; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ….
Now give me back my dog.
Now that is GOOD!
Delete