About which:
from 
Despair Inc. unfulfillment-noreply@despair.com
reply-tounfulfillment-noreply@despair.com,
toNorman Pennington ,
date Thu, Apr 24, 2008 at 12:14 AM
subjectorder demotivators-4XXXX from Despair Inc.
Despair Inc. unfulfillment-noreply@despair.comreply-to
unfulfillment-noreply@despair.com,to
Norman Pennington date
Thu, Apr 24, 2008 at 12:14 AMsubject
order demotivators-4XXXX from Despair Inc.Thank you for your recent order from Despair, Inc.
I'd like to personally welcome you to our growing body of Dissatisfied Customers(tm), but to do so might evidence some actual concern for service and protocol. This might then lead to customer satisfaction, which would defeat the purpose altogether. That is why you have received this generic, form-generated email, written by some nameless lackey in our marketing department.
Having established that any pretense of consideration for *your* needs would be counter-productive to our raison d'etre at Despair Inc, let us now ponder a subject of greater interest to those among us who are worthy of both of our collective attentions – that person being me.
[…]
[lots more dot-dot-dot]
[still more dot-dot-dot]
[…]
If any of the information shown below is inaccurate, please notify us immediately using our new Troubled Ticketing system.
We will rectify your error immediately, and on some occasions, without snickering.
It is the least we can do, which, as a matter of policy, is the most we can do.
Sincerely not really writing you this email,
E.L.
E.L.
E.L.Kersten, Ph.D.
Founder & COO,
Despair, Inc.
Founder & COO,
Despair, Inc.
Should be here sometime next week. With any luck that will delay laundry yet another day. Or two.
Thanks, Anon.
Tag! You're it!
ReplyDeleteSay What?
ReplyDeleteThy wish for a self-depreciating shirt was granted.
ReplyDeleteLemmee think on this, FF.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, eh, Pat?
Ashley sez: Thy wish for a self-depreciating shirt was granted.
ALL my tee shirts are self-depreciating, ya know. They keep declining in value until I can't wear 'em any longer. Holes, and all that. ;-)
(Sorry. I know ALL about you and typos, Ash... but I couldn't resist this one. Feel free to beat me up as you see fit.) ;-)
Norman?
ReplyDelete(Not that there's anything wrong with that. My Mom didn't name me "Suldog", either.)
Norman?
ReplyDeleteI used to say "I'm Norman twice a month, the rest of the time I'm Buck." But that's up to three times/mo now, what with the arrival of Social Security.
And... apropos of nothing... My parents had a VERY weird sense of humor: my sister's name is Norma. Aiiieee.
About which, I suppose I should mention since I've opened this can o' worms, Norma is my "original" sister, for lack of a better term. As opposed to my half-sisters, who are the same ages, relatively speaking, as my adult boys. I had a strange, strange family. But don't we all? ;-)
Wow, I'm really impressed.
ReplyDeleteOr I would be, if I looked at it.
Or I would be, if I looked at it.
ReplyDeleteHunh? "It" being?
Good on ya for delaying the laundry!
ReplyDeleteThat is the oddest bunch of comments I have seen.
ReplyDeleteyou know...it would be the ultimate in blogvanity to get your blogsite address put on the back.
ReplyDeleteFinally ... an honest internet company! This is so much nicer than reading through flowery boilerplate drivel when you know that this is what they are really thinking. Is it just me? The more I depreciate, the less patience I have with b.s. grin
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, Buck. Nobody calls me "James" except the government and bill collectors.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Norman, congrats on the Wings advancing.
Lou sez: That is the oddest bunch of comments I have seen.
ReplyDeleteWell, the whole danged blog is kinda strange, innit?
Becky sez: Good on ya for delaying the laundry!
Any and all excuses/rationales cheerfully accepted!
Jay sez: you know...it would be the ultimate in blogvanity to get your blogsite address put on the back.
Yeah, it would. That's a bit too far for me, though...
Lin sez: The more I depreciate, the less patience I have with b.s. grin
Ah... me, too...in spades. And yeah, Despair.com does have a pretty good schtick goin'...
Jim sez: I know what you mean, Buck. Nobody calls me "James" except the government and bill collectors.
The crew at my dentist's office was shocked to find I was "Buck" after they'd been calling me Norman for something like four years. "Norman" doesn't bother me, but I DO prefer my nickname. I still shudder at the thought of Mom either yelling "Norman Ellis Pennington!!" or worse... the pinched lips, low growl, almost a hiss: "Just wait until your Dad gets home, Norman Ellis Pennington." Aiiieee. Mom might have been the original female terrorist, coz she could sure strike terror into MY lil heart.
"Just wait until your Dad gets home, Norman Ellis Pennington."
ReplyDeleteBuck, that just reminded me of a recent e-mail full of ancient one-liners. One of its classic truisms was "Children are given middle names so that they know when they are in serious trouble."
Honestly, I never got 'the pronouncement' but I was around plenty of kids who did. And they sure knew what it meant.
When Cody was little, he thought Matthew was just something you yelled at someone when they were getting on your nerves. I'll never forget the time he called me "Mommy Matthew!"
ReplyDeleteLin sez: Buck, that just reminded me of a recent e-mail full of ancient one-liners. One of its classic truisms was "Children are given middle names so that they know when they are in serious trouble."
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I never got 'the pronouncement' but I was around plenty of kids who did. And they sure knew what it meant.
That quote is a truism if ever there was one, Lin. I should have said my DAD was the first terrorist, coz it was he who struck fear in my lil heart. Mom just knew which buttons to push. I suppose that does make her a terrorist, after all.
Becky sez: When Cody was little, he thought Matthew was just something you yelled at someone when they were getting on your nerves. I'll never forget the time he called me "Mommy Matthew!"
LOL! Spoken like a True Mom, Becky!
Apropos of nothing... I never thought a simple lil post about a tee shirt would collect 17 comments. I guess ya just NEVER know, eh?