Sunday, September 09, 2007

The Rules

I missed this today before I posted, but it would have fit right in with the lead two items in this morning’s post: Time for the new rules for college football fandom.” Samples:

1. As a fan, you have to pick a school, one school, same as if you were filling out applications to, you know, go to school there. You may not be a fan of a conference, teams from a specific state, "West Coast football" or college football in general. Nobody is a fan of college football in general, not even Lee Corso. Nor may you root for Harvard and Yale, any more than you could matriculate at both places, unless you're really, really smart, in which case you're probably building prototype military surveillance nanobots in your MIT dorm room, and/or devising a computerized ranking system* to shame Jeff Sagarin.

1a. Under extenuating circumstances, however, you may have up to three Division I-A rooting allegiances, so long as the schools meet the following criteria:

(a) Your birthplace/family school – especially if an inheritance is at stake, or if a campus library bears your last name.
(b) Al(most)ma mater – the school you transferred from.
(c) The school that actually handed you a diploma. Or would have, if you hadn't finished three credits short.
(d) Your spouse's school, especially if the program is vastly superior to your own, or your spouse cares waaaay more than you do, in which case: good call on getting married!
(e) You're a bandwagon-jumping, low-self-esteem weenie and scurry from Notre Dame to Miami to Ohio State to USC to Boise State depending on the year, the polls and the amount of water flooding into the ship.

If you can't be true to a school, at least be true to your own weaselly nature.

[…]

4. If you attended a lower-division or NAIA school, you're allowed to pick a D-I school of your choice. But you must consistently root for that school year in and year out, and it's preferred that the school be geographically close to you.

4a. Or you can just root for Appalachian State every week.

4b. Notre Dame? How very original.

[…]

9. You are allowed to root freely against the following schools for no specific reasons: Notre Dame; Notre Dame in their puke-green jerseys; Notre Dame when playing on "Triumph of the Will"-shaming propaganda house organ NBC; USC; any school that plays its fight song approximately 4,387 times per game like USC; Michigan; Miami; Ohio State; any school like Ohio State with a pretentious "the" in front of its name, because otherwise how would we know which Ohio State university they were talking about?; any school coached by Steve Spurrier; any school coached by Nick Saban. (ed: I’d add “any team from Florida” to this list, but that’s a minor quibble.)

You may have noticed that I’m in the 4b fan category. Given that I never went to college, I’m free to root for the school of my choice, under rules Four and 1a (d) above, even if that means I root for my former spouse’s school (The Second Mrs. Pennington is a Notre Dame alumna). And I have been an ND fan for nearly 30 years now and don’t foresee any change in that status on the near or far horizons. It’s way too late to change allegiances at this point in life. While we’re at it, I should mention I’m a fan of, and root for, at least three schools, depending on who’s playing whom: ND, Michigan (the ten year living-in-Detroit connection), and Air Force. For reasons that should be obvious now. The only time I’m torn is when ND plays Air Force…and I well and truly don’t know what to do during that game. Very traumatic, that.

So, to the author of “The Rules,” especially Rule 4b: Put a sock in it. I like ‘em, otherwise.

8 comments:

  1. Regis Philbin is a ND fan - for that reason alone, I am not a ND fan. I was raised to cheer for Texas A&M. I could sing the Aggie War Hymn at an early age. I could sing Boom a Sooner just because I was taught to cheer for anyone besides UT. I have matured a little since then an broadened my views, but not much. Now I cheer for OSU and never for OU.

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  2. I guess all the schools I root for fall under the family catagory:
    Tennessee-mother and aunt are alumni
    UGA (for obvious reasons, grew up with them, and had a cousin who played for them)
    Texas Tech (SIL is alumni, cousin is a professor there in the animal sciences dept)
    Ohio State--again, many alumni in my family there.
    I really can't find myself cheering for the Gators, even though my stepfather played football for them in his college years.

    I have in the past gone to ENMU (but currently enrolled online at CCC). I plan to attend ENMU in the next 2-4 years to finish up my teaching degree and possibly masters. And though they aren't a big team, I do have to cheer for the Greyhounds (but they are excluded from these rules, aren't they?)

    My late grandmother was a HUGE ND fan. I'm not a big fan, but will cheer for them when I must.

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  3. I fill out the three school rule...Iowa State, obviously, K-State, parents both graduated from there; I can sing the K-State fight song better than I can the ISU one, and Air Force...it's a love-hate relationship, but I think I'm contractually obligated to root for them or something.

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  4. Mike said: I think I'm contractually obligated to root for them or something.

    LOL! I'm 100% certain there's a clause in the fine print... somewhere ... that mandates your support! ;-)

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  5. Jenny sez: I do have to cheer for the Greyhounds (but they are excluded from these rules, aren't they?)


    I think you're right about the Greyhounds, Jenny, as "The Rules" only seem to apply to Div I-A schools... ;-)

    Lou: I never cheer for OU, either. This is based on my 2+ years living in OKC and having to deal with a gaggle of OU fans (career civil servants) who worked in my office at Tinker AFB. ALL football fans can be obnoxious at times, but it seems like the OU fans work very hard at it (being obnoxious). And that team falls in the "plays its fight song approximately 4,387 times per game" category, too. Obnoxious.

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  6. Let's see...I'm not exactly sure where I fall in this. The college I attended didn't have a football team at the time. They'd been busted for recruiting violations or something. They have one now, but I've never seen 'em play. They're such a small school that I don't think they qualify for these rules anyway.

    I grew up rooting for Texas A&M, but eventually switched to University of Texas, because I wanted to cheer for a team that actually won games. (I hear that A&M did win their first game this year.)

    I think now that I am a biggest fan of LSU, mostly because that is Cody's team. I started watching them with him, and kind of got attached to them. LSU is closer to me now, but when I was growing up, them and UT were about the same distance away.

    If I had to go by proximity, that would make me an Ol' Miss fan. But they haven't really done anything worth cheering since Eli graduated.

    I will cheer for Notre Dame (unless they are playing UT or LSU) mainly because of my association with you.

    Other than that, I have no preferences.

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  7. TFNP is a Sooner because i fit the profile (much more than i probably should) of the fight song. And just so's we're clear...

    "Boomer Sooner(3X) OKU" (repeat)

    Sooner born and Sooner bred
    and when i die i'll be Sooner dead.

    RAH Oklahoma
    RAH Oklahoma
    RAH Oklahomaaaaaa OKU".

    I've been a Sooner since i can remember. Of course, there were those dark (dork?) couple years in high school while in FFA that i was an Okie State fan (thinking i was going to vet school there). Though i never turned my back on the Sooners. Oh, and there is the small fact that my forefathers were truly "Sooners". So there you have it.

    Funny thing, my entire family other than my brother and myself are Okie State fans...and for good reason, they went to school there. That's all well and good with us but what is the big freaking deal with these people that just because i didn't go to school at OU that i am a fan of the team? What if i was a Hog fan? What if i was a Buff, The Queen's alma mater? I have a degree from a tiny TINY Bible College in Missouri, who barely has a sports program at all.

    There are two teams that i hope go O-fer annually, USC and Miami, although Miami is about to drop off the list with the spanking we just gave them, and Oregon may be added. Texas Tech almost made that list but i realized that its not the kids and not the coaches fault for referee idiocy. Plus, i have alot of respect for coach Leach. Texas Tech fans aren't even close to the boneheads that Oregon fans have made themselves out to be. And walking out of the stadium with Miami fan gave me a new perspective on them.

    Now, after reading through previous comments, i will add this,
    I absolutely agree that there are TOO MANY #$(*&$%#*&_)(*%$(*#$...$#(*&%$(%*&#*&^%$ "Sooner" fans. Most of the idiots you have been in contact with have jumped on the Schooner somewhere around the latter half of the 2000 National Championship season. For reason's unknown, we (the true Crimson and Cream) have been unable to replace them in their rightful positions. Not unlike getting those 9th Warders displaced by Katrina back to their respective 'hoods. But again, as previously stated, there are obnoxious fans everywhere. I even get along with a few Longhorns. Personally, i think the SEC is IT. It just seems to be college football at its finest.

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  8. Jay sez: Most of the idiots you have been in contact with have jumped on the Schooner somewhere around the latter half of the 2000 National Championship season. For reason's unknown, we (the true Crimson and Cream) have been unable to replace them in their rightful positions.

    Nice try, Jay, but my experience is from the 1983 - 1985 time frame, and specifically with several women and not a few guys I knew at the Air Force Communications Command's Engineering-Installations Division, where I was stationed. When it came to football there was NO other color than Red, and each and every OU loss was blamed on the officials, the weather, the fact that the planets were somehow mis-aligned, etc., etc., and NEVER because the opposing team played better, or Deity-In-Waiting Switzer made a bonehead call, or whatever.

    I can agree with you...to a point...about the SEC. It's arguably the finest conference in college ball these days and has a RICH tradition. But I kinda lean toward the Big Ten...Michigan does have college ball's winningest program.

    Finally... Fandom is strange, in general, and OU fandom is stranger than most. Present company excepted, of course. ;-)

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Just be polite... that's all I ask.