Terrorist Bloopers and Diversity in Advertising

Have you seen the Zarqawi Bloopers Video yet? The one where he mishandles an M249 Squad Automatic Weapon (SAW)? It was all over the news yesterday and is available at Hot Air and the CENTCOM web site:

“Download the video from the CENTCOM website. Part 1 and Part 2. (Use IE.)*”

Lots of very good links at the Hot Air page referred to above, including a link to a very descriptive article about Task Force 145, the guys charged with hunting down high-value targets in Iraq. Exerpt:

TF-145 is comprised of Army Delta Operators, Navy SEALs, U.S. Army Rangers, the 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment, the Air Force’s 24th Special Tactics Squadron, British Special Air Service, and British paratroopers. Left out are the myriad of intelligence assets likely assigned to TF-145. TF-145 is split up into four regional commands: West, North, South and Black.

If I were a terrorist, just reading the “Who’s Who” of TF 145 would scare the shit out of me. Those guys listed above are some very Bad Dudes. I mean that in the best way possible.

In his April 28^th Bleat last week, Lileks wrote:

As we ate I noticed three new patrons, all in their mid-20s: a very attractive African-American woman, model slim without the hauteur; a good-looking trim Asian guy with wrap-around sunglasses, and a grinning handsome Caucausian with a soul patch and a knit cap. My God, it’s a royalty-free stock photo come to life! Really: they looked like the people you see on a website for some new useless internet service, grinning toothily at the camera. Or secret agents from a “Mission: Impossible” movie. They all wore leather jackets, too.

Swear to God: after they’d finished eating they walked, laughing, to the parking lot, hopped on three low-slung motorcycles, and roared off. If I’d seen all three in a McDonald’s commercial, I would have thought it nonsense, but here they were. Maybe this was a commercial. Maybe McDonald’s paid them to roam the country and administer Hip in small piquant slices.

Now Mr. James may or may not have intended for us to read between the lines with this little vignette, I dunno. But it certainly hit one of my personal hot-buttons. The sort of thing that Lileks describes just doesn’t happen, or happens very rarely, in real life. That’s what made the occurrence described above notable and bloggable.

It seems there’s an unwritten code in the advertising biz that whenever there’s a group in an advertisement for anything, said group is required to be ethnically and gender-diverse. Without fail. This principle is so universal I’m thinking perhaps there’s a federal law, something that might be titled “The 1996 Diversity in Advertising Act.” Said law mandates such things as:

· A group of two individuals should include one white and one black. Exceptions may be made, but only with the express approval in writing by the Federal Trade Commission.

· A group of three individuals must include, in addition to the above, an individual of Hispanic origin.

· A group of four individuals must include, in addition to the above, an individual of Asian origin.

· A group of five or more individuals must be ethnically balanced in accordance with ethnic origins as recorded in the National Census published closest to the production date of the advertisement. Previous editions of the National Census may not be used.

· All groups depicted in advertising must be gender-diverse. The only allowable exceptions are advertisements for feminine or masculine hygiene products, such as cosmetics, tampons, shaving cream, and athletes foot remedies. It is desirable, but not mandatory, that said ads for hygiene products strive to include both genders in its advertising. Participation by members of the transgendered community is also highly desirable but not mandatory.

· Exceptions to all of the foregoing guidelines may be granted for advertising that is designed to run exclusively on networks whose principal audiences are minorities, e.g., Black Entertainment Television (BET) and Telemundo. Exceptions will not be granted if said advertising is also scheduled to appear on ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, WB, Fox, A&E, The Food Channel, or any of their affiliates, associates, or syndicates.

I’m quite sure there’s a section in this act devoted to destroying gender stereotypes, too. As an example, whenever a family unit jumps into a vehicle and drives off, the Mom (or matriarchal figure) shall drive. And there’s an exhaustive sub-section of said law describing how to ensure men appear to be foolish in comparison with women.

Don’t believe me? Start paying attention.

Happy Cinquo de Mayo, by the way.