"It's for a Metaphor"

I’ve said it before: I really like Lileks. I admire bloggers, and writers in general, who can turn a phrase. James always writes with flair and élan… in other words: great wordsmithing. Here are a few paragraphs that particularly rang my bell this week:

As for Katie Couric taking over the CBS news: if you spot me a whoop, I could probably muster a de-do, but I’d have to borrow the de, and I’m not putting down a deposit. My paper has the story on the front page, above the fold, with a big photo of La Femme Perqui; the headline reads NEW ANCHOR, NEW ERA.

And this:

Homemade bumpersticker of the day, observed in the grocery store pick-up lane:

(photo of the rear of a minivan with home made lettering on the bumper that reads: "veteran against the war n this fascist regime" - all caps)

The car was incinerated by orbital lasers a few blocks down the street. I don’t know what was worse – the screams of the passengers, or the hoots and laughter of the thick-browed brownshirted onlookers. Ghastly times, these.

The white bumpersticker says – really - “Preserve Minnesota’s Quality of Life – Raise Taxes.” What, and give the fascists more money?

And lastly, this:

It does come down to that, eh? I’ve been telling myself that all day. One of the longer days on memory, since I got up too early: either I dreamed that someone outside the house had an alarm clock, or one of the 183 small clocks in the house was inadvertently set into alarm mode. Then the dog barked. Fine; I get the point. Up after 5 and a half hours of sleep. My fault; I’d tossed and turned for an hour before sleeping, and that’s rare. Usually I drop off like a bank vault pushed out a window – no, that’s wrong; that sounds like it takes effort. Someone has to push the safe to the window. You’d need help. You’d have to explain why you’re doing this. (“It’s for a metaphor.”) And then you’d have to deal with the legal ramifications. So scratch that.

“It’s for a metaphor.” I literally laughed out loud. You DO read him, don’t you?