A friend sends along this extensive list of New Rules and I thought I'd share a couple or three. I've done a little light editing to remove "strong language."
I'd say those are pretty close.New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the ass. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge ass.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your butt. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You are, or were, just high.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason I haven't talked to some people for 25 years: Because I don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
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Just be polite... that's all I ask.