I'll Do the Math so You Don't Have To

I just nuked and ate a bag of popcorn. Being the curious sort I am, I wondered how many empty calories I'd just consumed. No problem, this is America, we have nutrition labels. Piece of cake. Or bag of popcorn, as it were. Just read the label, all will be revealed.

Not so. Let me explain.

Consulting the "Nutrition Facts" panel, printed in an absurdly small font, I see the serving size is "2 Tbsp unpopped," and there are 160 calories in said serving. But who the Hell eats unpopped popcorn? Further reading says there are 35 calories in "1 cup popped." Now I know I just consumed more than 35 calories!

Reading the top of the Nutrition Facts panel, I find "2 Tbsp unpopped" makes 4 cups popped. That's 140 calories. Still sounds low.

Further reading informs me "Servings per bag: about 3." So, if I have this right, I actually consumed 12 cups of popcorn, or about 420 calories. I can buy that.

So...why don't they just print "420 calories per bag?" Would that be so hard?

I'm gonna call Samuel Hirsch. There may be some money in this.